Mine
by SRY
Summary: Addison and Derek face a turning point in their relationship. Warning: Sexual Content. Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters.
1. Chapter 1

Derek pulled his Range Rover up to the small trailer in the rain. He was dreading going in. He knew what tonight was, and he'd been anxious about it all week. Tonight, he and Addi were having sex. She'd told him about it early on. She was making a romantic dinner, and lighting candles, and wearing a new negligee she had bought from Victoria's Secret on their trip to the mall. He had refused to help her pick it out. He didn't even want to go in the store, but she dragged him with her. She asked him which one he liked, and he probably said he didn't care and acted like a jerk or something, just to get out of talking about something sexual with her. They were doing okay in all other areas. They talked about the affair, and him leaving, and Meredith. They went to dinner a few nights a week, sometimes movies, sometimes just talked over coffee. They were getting back to normal, all except for the sex part, which for them, was a huge part. In New York, everyone who worked at the hospital had pretty much classified them as sex freaks. They used to be so in love, so crazy about each other that they had to be touching all the time. Now, Derek could barely touch her, ever. It didn't feel right, she didn't feel the same. He was in love with her again, he knew he was, but the idea of intimacy freaked him out. Kisses on the cheek he could do, hugs sometimes, even holding hands. But his body on hers, in hers, no way. The idea that Mark had been there last was too much to bear. And of course, Addison was frustrated with this. She desperately wanted there relationship to work out, and so did he, but she wanted to move forward faster than he could. Half of that frustration was probably sexual frustration, which he could definitely relate to. They were used to sex all the time, and now neither of them had had any in about six months. So, naturally, Addi was mad after the Victoria Secret incident, and he wasn't surprised. Usually if he went lingerie shopping with her, he'd get to pick out a few things he liked, and he'd be exited about them. Hell, usually he would insist on doing her in the dressing room. The Monday after their weekend mall trip, Addison told him about her plans. They were having their 'night' on Friday. So for five days Derek got to stress and worry about the end of the week, kind of like when you schedule a root canal and have to freak out about it until the day comes. It wasn't that he didn't want her, because he did. God, it was Addison, he told himself. Look at her, who wouldn't want her. She was gorgeous and had a great body and he was in love with her. That usually equals a desire to have sex with someone. But there was something holding him back, and as he walked up the path and up the steps to his front door, he just knew he couldn't do this.

He walked in, and as promised, a few candles were lit, and soft music was playing, and Addi was trying to make the meals look nice with garnish or something. And she was dressed in her skimpy little black number. Well, at least she had a flimsy little robe over it. Yeah, he was turned on, but there was something in the back of his mind saying no.

"Hi," she said warmly, smiling at him and reaching to take off his coat. "Wet out there?"

"Yeah, yeah it is," he replied nervously as she unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt.

"You hungry?"

"Yeah, a little."

"For food or me?" she asked coyly, smiling at him and wrapping her arms around his waist. He laughed awkwardly, and she kissed him. At first softly, but then she pressed her body against him and got more aggressive. The image popped into his head. _That image._

"Addi, I can't," he said, pushing her away by the shoulders.

"Derek, come on," she said frustrated.

"I'm sorry Add, it's hard."

"Why? Tell me what is making it so hard?"

"You had sex with my best friend, that's what's making it hard." She rolled her eyes at this. Not because she wasn't sorry, but because she had heard that line about two hundred times over the past months. He saw this, and it got him irked at her. "No, you now what, I've come to terms with the fact that our marriage is on the rocks, and it is partly my fault. I've come to terms with the fact that you had an affair. I've come to terms with my falling in love with someone else. What I find impossible to deal with is that… someone else has touched you." He let out a breath. Finally he figured out why he couldn't have sex with her. Because she was his, and she let someone else have her. "You let him kiss you, and be naked with you, and be in you."

Addison flinched. She knew this was coming. The anger is starting to wear off, and now all that's left is heartbreak. How could she have done this? Just looking at him hurt. She backed away from him, and sat down at the table. She had sex with someone else. Why? Sex was their thing. Of course, it was a lot of people's thing, but they were really good at it. They were good sex people. Addison would always listen to her friends complain about their marriages with boring sex, or no sex, or sex once a month. Then she would go home and pounce on Derek and make him promise that would never be them. He would laugh, and willingly oblige, and then shove his hands up her shirt and skillfully unhook her bra with one hand, and then laugh again. But not anymore. He probably doesn't think of sex and her like that anymore. He probably can't even remember how good their sex was because now all he sees is her betrayal. He sees his naked wife under his naked best friend in their bed, in their sheets. He sees him touching her and kissing her and being naked with her, and that's gotta kill.

"I just can't get that image out of my head. I can't forget it, I can't erase it. It makes my chest hurt. My heart wrenches and then my throat tightens, and I just can't. I'm sorry. I want to touch you. I want to touch you so bad, god, of course I do…but every time I think about touching you like that, I think about him touching you like that."

"Derek, I know it's hard. I can't possibly imagine how much it must hurt, but you have to try harder. You have to get past that image. If we're going to make this marriage work, we're going to have to be intimate again. It's us Derek."

He paused, look down at the floor as he leaned against the counter. "Imagine it."

Addison looked confused. "What?"

"Imagine it. Put yourself in my shoes. Picture Meredith and I in bed together. Exactly what I saw between you and Mark. Imagine you walked into this trailer and looked in that bedroom and saw me with her in the bed. I'm kissing her and touching her and our naked bodies are pressed against each other…"

Addison closed her eyes. "Stop."

"No, you think I should just get over it, you put yourself in my position. What would you have done?"

"I told you, stop. I would have said stop. I would have yelled and pulled you off of her, and thrown her out of here. I would have screamed at you for doing all of those things to her when you're only supposed to do them to me. Those arms are mine. Those lips are mine. And I would have been mad, furious. I would have been sad and heartbroken and hopeless. But I would still want you. I would still love you. I'd still be meant for you."

Derek broke their gaze and looked down. That hurt. He didn't see that response coming. He suddenly hated himself. What kind of man was he? She was right. He didn't fight. He saw his best friend screwing the love of his life and he didn't punch him out. He should have thrown him off of her. He should have screamed and yelled and fought. But he didn't. He turned and ran as fast as he could. He left what was his. He left her there, with him, no problem. What a coward, he thought. She would have stayed. She loved him enough to battle betrayal and fight for him. Didn't he love her just as much? Of course, it's Addison. He loved her more than life. Or at least he thought he had.

'What if Mark came here right now?' he thought. 'What would I do? What if he grabbed her and held her because she's so sad?… No, I'd grab her back. I'd deck him and kick him and slap him, maybe even bite him, whatever I had to do to keep her. Cause she's mine. I do want her. I do need her. I do love her. And she probably has no idea cause I gave her up without a fight. That's how I'll get past this. Instead of that image, I'll see me fighting for her.'

Addison was looking down, playing with the tie on her robe. Derek slowly walked over to her, and dropped down on his knees in front of her.

"Addi." She moved her eyes up to him. "You're still meant for me, and I'm still meant for you."

She nodded and smiled slightly, trying to hold back her tears.

"Come here."

He pulled her up and hugged her, as hard as he could. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. He lifted her about two inches off the ground and walked to the back of the trailer. He put his knees on the bed, and slowly lowered her back until she hit the pillow. He carefully pulled the tie on the robe and pushed it open, showing the lacy black teddy.

"What are you doing?" she asked surprised, and clearly nervous.

"I'm claiming what's mine." He smiled at her, and she smiled back, a tear finally rolling down her cheek. He wiped it away, and grabbed her hands.

"These hands and these fingers are mine; they're only for touching me."

He moved his hands up her arms and lightly grazed her collarbone, then put his hands on her chest.

"This heart, under here, that's mine. It's meant to love me."

She silently watched him, smiles tugging on her lips at each one of his explanations. He moved his hands over her breasts and down her stomach, then further down to the hem of the nightie. He lifted it up to her waistline, and then moved back down to rest between her thighs. He grabbed underneath her knees and spread her legs open a bit, then started tracing the black lace thong she wore. He ran his fingers over the top, and barely underneath the sides. Addison propped up on her elbows to watch him as she felt goose bumps shower her legs. He kissed her there, through her panties. She let out a small gasp as a butterfly flew through her body.

"This is mine," he stated, looking up at her. "No one's allowed in here but me."

She giggled softly and laid back down. "No one," she reinstated.

He kissed and caressed his way back up her toned stomach, over her still covered breasts, and up her neck. He pecked at her cheek, then her ear, and up to her forehead. He slowly moved his lips to hover over hers, and paused.

"These," and he captured them with all the pent up emotion and love and desire for her he had. He sucked and pulled and finally let go when he knew she needed air again. "These lips are mine. They were made to kiss me."

He kissed her again, this time pushing her lips open and darting his tongue into her mouth. God, her mouth felt so good. Her body felt so good. He felt so good. He gave her a few more quick kisses and pulled back, waiting for her to open her eyes.

"Please don't give any of these things away again," he said firmly, but at the same time pleading with her.

"Never," she assured him, running her fingers down the side of his face and then through his hair.

"Good. I'm not a sharer," he said smiling at her, wrapping his arms around her back and holding her head with one hand.

She laughed, and quietly said, "Me neither." She pulled her head off the pillow to kiss him. He deepened the kiss, while moving his hands back to her waist to reach for the nightie and pull it off and over her head. She groaned when they had to break their kiss to allow the fabric to move between them. He smirked, and went right back to her lips, but then was suddenly aware that two of his favorite things were exposed for him. He could never understand how some guys were all about the ass. Not that Addison's ass wasn't hot, but he really loved her chest. It was smooth, and soft, and perfect. He broke his lips away from Addison's, again getting a groan from her, but he didn't care. His head instantly traveled down to her chest as he started kissing and suckling on the super soft skin between her breasts. She inhaled sharply, and he smiled against her. He pulled his hand out from under her and cupped her right breast. His thumb went to her nipple and started slowly brushing over it, back and forth. Instantly, it hardened and stood straight up.

"Look what I did," he said, grinning widely. Addison's eyes had been closed, lost in what he was doing to her. Reluctantly she opened them since he had stopped touching and started talking.

"Congratulations," she replied sarcastically. She just wanted him to keep doing things to her. No one could make her feel like this. Derek had this indescribable power over her, and he knew it.

"I barely touch them and they stand straight up." He kept grinning, staring at his handiwork. "Your nipples love me."

"They don't love you Derek, they don't have emotions. They're nipples." She closed her eyes again, hoping he would soon get over this and start back up.

"They do love me. I'm their favorite person." Before she could rebut that, Derek captured the same nipple in his mouth and gently sucked. Addison instantly arched her bad and pushed her breast further into his mouth. Her eyes closed and her head dug deeper into the pillow. Derek removed his left hand from under her shoulders to toy with her other nipple. She let out a half grunt, half moan and started gyrating her hips against his.

'Oh god', he thought. 'I hate it when she does this. Actually, I love it when she does this but when she does it I don't last long.' He tried to push his hips against hers to keep her on the mattress, but she was still causing friction in their pelvic regions and it was driving him crazy. His mouth left her breast and he kissed his way back up her chest and neck to her lips. Addison grabbed the back of his head, letting his hair run between her fingers. She took control of the kiss, suckling on his bottom lip, knowing it would get him. He pinched the nipple he still had in his left hand, getting her back.

She broke the kiss. Now Derek knew he shouldn't have done that. They always loved to 'get' each other in bed. A pleasurable fight one might call it. He would do something that he knew would turn her on, then she would do something right back to him. They would test how long the other would last before one couldn't take anymore and then they would start going at it like rabbits. The sad thing was Derek almost always lost. There was this spot right below his right ear that Addi always went to. She found this gold mine about a year after they had started dating. He like to call it his 'weak place', she liked to call it 'instant erection.' It was kind of discolored if you looked really close, and a bit rough, either because it was a beauty mark, or he had been born like that, or perhaps because Addison had been kissing it, and biting it, and licking it for like fourteen years now.

And this point, whatever it was called, was exactly where Addison was headed. She kissed up his jaw, quickly suckled his earlobe, and then moved the small distance down to that place. She lightly blew cool air on it and then covered it with her warm lips. Derek let out a harsh breath with his face towards the pillow and tried to control his own hips. He wanted to pull them back, away from her barely covered 'area', but he couldn't. He needed her. He knew it, and now she knew it, because she could feel her handiwork on her through his jeans. To torture him a little more, she darted her tongue out to massage the spot, and opened her legs wider and wrapped them around his waist, pushing herself against him harder.

Derek groaned again. He forgot he still had her left breast in his hand, and he squeezed it… really hard.

"Ouch babe." Addison moved her mouth away from his ear and pushed his hand off of her breast.

"Sorry," he said, grinning sheepishly and moving in to kiss her cheek. He put his hand back on her breast and gently rubbed it. "I'm sorry."

"Lose control there," she said, smiling at the intense reaction she had gotten from him.

"Nope, nope," he shook his head. Even though Derek always lost this fight, he rarely admitted it. "I meant to do that. I thought you liked it rough," he smiled, moving his lips inches from hers.

She smiled too. "I do… but not tonight, k?"

He nodded and quickly kissed her. He knew what she meant. She didn't want sex, she wanted love. She needed to know how much she still meant to him. And that meant starting slow. That meant lots of kissing, and soft touching, and whispering reinforcements in her ear. All things he was more than willing to do. He hadn't gotten to 'make love' in a long time. With Meredith, it was always sex. It was always just pleasure, there was always a finish line.

Derek looked down, just staring at her. How could he have not wanted her? How could he have not fought for her? She's so freaking gorgeous, he thought. Addi moved her eyes from where she was tracing circles on his chest up to his. They stared at each other for a moment or so, letting them both know it was going to be okay now. It wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't always be fun, or happy, but they would be together so it would be okay. Derek let out a breath of relief. Relieved that he was back where he belonged. Relieved she was back where she belonged.

He kissed her. First softly, then more and more hungrily and erotically each time. Addison's hands made their way down his chest to the hem of his shirt. She quickly pulled it up and off, breaking their kiss for only a second. She then returned her hands back to his waistline, lightly trading the skin right above his jeans. She could feel his breath intake sharply, and she knew this spot was ticklish, and also a major turn on. She moved her hands a bit lower and felt him through his jeans. She smiled when he groaned against her lips. He let her massage him through his pants for about thirty seconds, then swiftly reached down and grabbed her hands, pulling them up above her head.

She giggled, which made him smile. He moved his mouth to her lips again and softly said, "You know, if you're just going to tease me, I might as well…" And then he was cut off by her lips on his again. She wriggled her hands free from his grasp and went straight for the button of his jeans, undoing it and pulling down the zipper. She sat up a bit and pulled the pants over his thighs, and when she couldn't reach any further due to him kissing her neck and therefore pushing her back towards the bed, she laid back down and used her foot to push the pants all the way off his feet.

"You're very skilled," he said into her neck.

"I know," she replied nonchalantly, giving him a wink and a smile, then moving her attention back to his boxer briefs that he was threatening to bulge out of. She draped her arms over his back as she pecked at his lips, casually running her fingers over the waistband of the underwear, then using her fingernails to lightly caress his butt. She loved his butt. He may be a rack guy, but she was definitely an ass girl. In New York, he'd always jump when she'd sneak up on him and grab it or pinch it, which was easy to do through scrubs. This touching only got him harder, and he pushed between her legs as far as their underwear would let him. She knew he'd start getting frustrated if she kept teasing him, so she hooked her fingers into the waistband of the briefs and pushed them down. Again, she couldn't get them down all the way. Derek was getting impatient with her, so he stood up at the edge of the bed and pulled them down the rest of the way. While he was up, he reached for her waist and roughly pulled down her thong. When he got to her feet, he stopped himself. He needed to be gentle with her; gentle, and slow, and loving, even if he was ready to ravage her. She wouldn't know how much he loved her if he just pounded her. He pulled the thong the rest of the way off, and kissed Addison's foot. She had kind of a hesitant look on her face, probably because of his quick mood changes. But then he started dropping soft kisses up the inside of her legs, and she was no longer hesitant. She opened up for him, and he nipped at the soft spot where her thighs came together. She jumped a little at this, and he looked up at her and smiled. He gave her a few long kisses there, and then made his back up her stomach. He would have loved to stay down there longer, but he knew she was ready and wouldn't have been able to take much of that. He smiled at how well he knew her. He knew exactly what each little move meant; he knew what order to expect them in. He knew how long he should do one thing before moving on to the next. He always made sure she came first, always. He would hold back as long as he had to. There was never a time they had sex that she didn't come, he made sure of it. He could never understand how boyfriends or husbands could screw their girls and then roll over and be done and not care if they enjoyed it. Maybe that's why his girl liked sex so much.

He kissed the base of her neck and up the side until he reached her lips. He waited for her to open her eyes, and she smiled slightly at him and gave him the nod. He breathed out a heavy "I love you," and entered her. She moaned loudly, and he captured her lips with his. Her hands gripped the back of his biceps, as he was holding her with his arms wrapped under her shoulders. He slowly started to move in and out of her. God, he forgot this feeling. It was the best feeling in the world, right here, with her, kissing her, in her. She pulled his head down closer with one hand and kissed him, probing his mouth with her tongue. He reached one hand down and started lightly grazing the outside of her right thigh with his fingertips. He knew this would send chills through her. And it did. She let out a staggered breath and gripped him tighter. He moved his head down and started showering kisses on her chest and breasts. She arched against him again, pushing herself deeper on to him. 'This is my heaven,' Derek thought. She's right, I am totally meant for her. My body was made for hers.

After about fifteen minutes of this, Derek knew she wanted more. She wanted her release, she wanted to be sent, no not sent, shoved over the edge. He moved them down to the end of the bed so her butt was at the edge and he stood up, still inside her. He trailed his fingers to where they were joined and spread her lips open more. Very lightly, he started rubbing her clit. At this, Addison breathed heavily and reached for his other hand. She always did this. She wanted the pleasure down there, but she still wanted him to be close to her up top, holding her and kissing her, which was almost impossible for him. If he laid on her, he could barely fit his arm between them to caress her other area. He gave her his hand, which he was previously using to balance, and rubbed both of their hands up and down her stomach and the side of her body. She kept pulling, reaching for his arm to get closer. Nope, this wasn't going to work tonight. Tonight she needed the closeness. She needed to be held and kissed and to have his body right against hers. He stopped what he was doing and pulled out of her.

"Okay baby, come here." He pulled her back up to the top of the bed and lay down next to her and gently turned her onto her side, facing away from him. He wrapped an arm underneath her, holding him against her across her chest. He used the other hand to lift her top leg up and entered her again. He kissed her neck and returned his fingers to her clit and whispered in her ear how much he loved her and how much he had missed her. She nodded and held his hand that was across her chest as he started toying with her nipples again, unable to think clearly enough to respond with words. It took only about two minutes for him to know she was getting really close. She started squeezing herself around him, which was enough to make him come, but he held off until she was ready. Her breathing got more and more labored, and she was holding his hand even tighter now. He just kept rubbing and pumping in and out of her, sucking her neck and running their joined hands across her chest and down her abs. Now she was there. She squeezed hard and flexed all the muscles in her legs. She had just started doing this in the past two years or so, when he became more and more absent. Sex was the only time they were really connected, the only time he gave her his full attention. So she would try and put off her orgasm for as long as possible to keep him there, with her, holding her. His heart sunk a little, knowing she still had a small fear he might leave or not care after this. He rubbed her legs and widened them a little, then went back to barely rubbing her clit. He squeezed the hand he held and buried his face in her neck and hair.

"Just let go baby. I love you," he said as he kissed her neck and ear. He could feel she wouldn't be able to stall any longer. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." It took three more pumps and she convulsed around him.

"Derek," she breathed softly, pleasure flowing over her. She couldn't think or talk. All she wanted was him. She wanted him to keep doing what he was doing, and to stay with her forever. And he did keep doing what he was doing. And she came again, and then again. Derek finally stopped rubbing her and just set his hand on her lower abdomen. He kept pumping her slowly, as he hadn't come yet, but he knew she'd need about a minute to recover before he'd get his. He kissed her neck and her hair and just held her against him. Finally he felt her move and start to pull off of him and turn around. She pushed him onto his back and straddled him, smiling as she leaned down to kiss him roughly on the lips. He laughed, excitedly yet somewhat nervously, and he didn't know why. She was getting into his favorite position, cowgirl. She knew how much he loved it like this. He liked to watch her go up and down on him, and of course, he loved to hold her breasts. She slowly wiggled him back inside of her, and he closed his eyes and grabbed her thighs. Addison smiled at her gorgeous husband, and lightly ran her fingers up his chest. She started moving up and down, a little quickly because she knew he wasn't too far from his release. She squeezed her muscles around him, pulling him inside of her and engulfing as much as she could.

"Oh god," he moaned at her antics. When she does that, he can't think straight. Hell, he can't even think. He was getting really close. He opened his eyes, and sat up halfway, reaching her shoulders and pulling her down with him. She was surprised at this, as he was surprised at himself, because usually he loved to watch her in that position, but tonight he needed to hold her too. He needed kissing when he came.

She was still using her thighs to push on and off of him, and he was grabbing her waist with one hand, and the back of her head with the other. This time, she whispered 'I love you' to him, and kissed him, pushing her tongue into his mouth when he exploded. He pushed into her furiously, kissing her furiously, grabbing her as hard as he could. Everything down there was warm, well hot, and very, um, wet. He finally slowed down and they just lay there, wrapped in each other, sticky and sweaty. Addison kissed Derek's forehead, then his cheek, then his neck, and then laid down on his shoulder.

"Jesus," Derek said, out of breath. "That was incredible."

"Mmm, I know, you were amazing," Addison said, pecking at his collarbone.

"Me? I think it was you, cowgirl." Derek smiled, as he lightly grazed her back with his fingertips.

Addison laughed softly. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said, kissing her forehead, and holding her tighter.


	2. Chapter 2

Sun shone through the small windows of the trailer. Derek could feel the brightness through his eyelids, but refused to give in. Thoughts of last night filled his mind, and he smiled. He moved his hands around the bed, finally feeling Addi's warm back a foot away. He opened his eyes when he felt a shirt covering her soft skin. She had her back to him, and her red hair was splayed out all over the pillow. She had on the wife beater he had worn the day before and a pair of baby pink boy shorts. He rolled towards her and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her against his body and tangling his legs with hers. She let out a throaty moan and fluttered her eyes open.

"Hey," she said, smiling as she rubbed the arm he had around her.

"Hi," he replied, kissing her neck and pulling her tighter, if possible. "Why do you have clothes on?"

She laughed. "I got up to go to the bathroom, and I was cold… Sorry to disappoint you."

"Well, the least you could do is make it up to me." Addison untangled her legs from his and turned in his arms to face him.

"Oh I could?" Derek smiled at her, and raised an eyebrow at her. "How might I do that?" she asked.

"Take them off," he replied simply. She laughed at him again, and leaned in to kiss his neck. "I don't know why you're laughing, I'm serious here."

"I know you are, and I would love to take them off for you but..." she stopped to kiss his neck a few more times, then leaned over his body to prevent the alarm from going off, kissed his neck again, and finished "…unfortunately, I have to go to work."

Derek lay stunned. "You're kidding right?"

Addison made a sad face at him, shook her head, and kissed his lips quickly. "Sorry honey, I wish I was." She started pulling away from him, and he instantly tightened his grip.

"Call in sick." He looked at her pleadingly. Addison contemplated it for a second, since her husband hadn't wanted her like this for a long time, but shook her head.

"I can't baby, I have two induced deliveries today. Those babies have to come out." She kissed him on the lips again, this time a little more forcefully, then broke free of his grasp and stood up.

"Wait," he said quickly, grabbing her by the thigh. She turned to him with a 'give it up' look on her face. "Give me a real good morning kiss before you go get ready. And a good night kiss."

"Good night?"

"Yeah, I'm going back to sleep!"

"What?" she asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed facing him.

"You wore me out woman. I need more energy for tonight." He smiled devilishly at her, and ran his fingers up and down the inside of the thigh that was resting on the bed.

"Tonight, huh?" He nodded at her. "Where am I supposed to get my energy?"

"Buy a Red Bull or something from the vending machines at the hospital," he said yawning.

"Oh, buy a Red Bull," she responded, laughing and rolling her eyes. "Only one? You must not be very good."

"Ouch!" he said, playfully covering his chest. She laughed and leaned over and kissed him like he wanted to be kissed. She nipped at his lips a bit to tease him, then pushed her mouth towards his harder and let her tongue massage his for a few seconds. She kissed him lightly a couple more times, patted his stomach, then pulled away.

As she walked towards the bathroom, Derek called out to her, "Really, I'm good right?"

She kept walking, but yelled out to him, "Oh god yes!" She turned around and gave him a wink and a smile.

"Hey, that sounds familiar," he said, smiling back at her as she laughed. She disappeared into the bathroom and turned on the shower as he readjusted the pillow, tried to straighten out the tangled sheets, and laid down to go back to sleep.

"You had sex," Miranda Bailey said bluntly to Addison as she signed a chart at the nurse's station. A nurse doing paperwork looked up and laughed slightly at them.

"Miranda!...How did you know?" she said a bit quieter.

"Well, you were late to work and you're happy."

"So that means I had sex?"

"Did you?"

"Yeah," Addison confessed, blushing a little.

"It's about time that boy got his ass in gear. Tell him congratulations," Miranda said, starting to walk away.

"I will." Addison smiled, then yawned. She still had another delivery. Maybe she should get some caffeine in her. Then she thought otherwise. She was sure that as soon as she got home and saw Derek again, her energy level would pick back up.

Well, Addison was wrong about one thing. Her energy level would rise when she saw Derek, but that wasn't going to be at home. It was going to be now.

Derek snuck up behind her and gave her three quick pecks on the neck.

"Hey gorgeous," he whispered in her ear.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Addison smiled and tried to quickly sign a chart. Derek was standing pressed against her, sending chills down her spine.

"Oh, I came to check on two of my patients." He looked around to see if anyone was looking. No one was, so he cupped her breasts and gave them a soft squeeze and a quick massage. Addison jumped a bit at this. "Yep, they're doing well."

Addison laughed, and Derek kissed her cheek and moved around in front of her.

"You're bad," Addison said playfully.

"I know. Wanna be badder?" he said as he looked at her coyly.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "How bad?"

"I'm not gonnna lie to you miss. Pretty bad." She laughed at him, and squealed a little, which Derek took as a yes and took her hand and started walking down the hall. He found the nearest empty on-call room and pulled Addison in with him. He pushed the door closed and locked it, kissing Addi as he reached to shut the blinds. She ran her fingers over his flannel covered chest and pushed them up into his hair. Derek grabbed her waist and led her to the bottom bunk.

She laid down, expecting him on top of her, but instead he sat down at the end of the bed and began taking her shoes off. She propped up to look at him, and he smiled warmly at her. He crawled towards the middle of the bed, putting one of her legs over his waist. He massaged her thighs lightly as he turned to face her, moving both hands up to the hem of her scrub top and lifting it slightly. He bent over and kissed the exposed skin, moving lightly across her lower abdomen. He put her shirt down, and moved up further to kiss her neck, jaw and finally her lips. Addison grabbed at him, pushing her tongue in his mouth. He smiled at her aggressiveness, and at how much she wanted him. He used one hand to start rubbing her between her legs through her scrub pants. She hummed at the contact and used her hands to start to unbutton his shirt. He grabbed her hands and stopped her. Right now, this was only about her; he had a feeling they wouldn't have long because of her deliveries scheduled.

She scoffed at this move, as he knew she would. He grabbed her hands, kissed them, and put them above her head. He knew they wouldn't stay there long, but they could start there. He kissed his way down her jaw, her neck, and as far down her chest as her scrub top would allow. When it wouldn't stretch any further, he let it go and continued his journey south. He kissed the small strip of skin exposed right above the waistband of her pants, and instantly he felt her hands in his hair. He leaned over her side and propped up on an elbow, smiling at her as he tugged on the drawstrings of her scrub bottoms. Addison bit her lip and giggled softly. He reached under her and grabbed the material of her pants and underwear to pull them down. She lifted her hips for him, and he slid them over her thighs and past her knees. Derek reached for her right foot and pulled her shoe off. He slid the fabric off her right leg, pushed it aside, leaned closer to her and put the leg over his shoulder.

He started nipping at her inner thigh, getting dangerously close to the soft area between her legs, causing Addison to throw her head back and let out the breath she had been holding. He scattered kisses all over her lips, then opened them up and kissed inside. Addison was slightly moving against the bed now, still gripping the sheets strongly, and concentrating on breathing instead of moaning too loud. Derek reached for the leg on his shoulder and spread it wider. He moved his head two inches lower and pushed his tongue inside of her. She immediately let out a yelp, still trying to remain quiet, and pushed a palm against the wall.

Derek loved doing this. Her reaction got him hard immediately. He gave her a few long licks, and already she was writhing. Addison was a hip-bucker. He literally had to muscle her down everytime; otherwise, her body would be all over the place, pelvis sometimes a foot and a half off the bed. He pushed his forearms against her thighs and held her hips in place with his strong hands. He frenched her there, tonguing her into bliss. Addison could hardly breathe. She was desperately trying to move her hips, but Derek had a strong hold on her. He pushed her legs open even farther and started pushing down on her clit with his tongue. She was now moaning lowly more than squirming and trying to free herself, so he let her go on one side to use his fingers on her. He slowly pushed two fingers into her, making her moan rather loudly.

"Shh, baby," he said, smiling against her. "The room's locked, but it's not sound proof."

"Well, you're the…" was all Addison could manage to force out. Her breathing was too labored and her mind in another world to speak coherently. She started grinding her hips against his face, running one hand through his hair and using the other to grab his hand that was still attempting to hold her hips still.

Derek pushed his fingers in and out of her, then started curling them in her to rub her g-spot. This resulted in another loud moan from Addi. He smiled slightly and kept up what he was doing. She started tightening around his fingers so he knew she was close. Her moans were growing louder and louder now. Usually he'd kiss her to muffle the noise, but he didn't want to stop kissing her elsewhere. So he just let her do it. He figured anyone outside would know they were up to something anyway when they came out with messy hair and flushed faces.

He felt her squeeze his hand tightly and knew that must mean she's on the edge. Derek rubbed her and sucked her for a few more seconds and she came against him as she moaned out his name and her body shook. He scattered small kisses all over her thighs and hips as she lay there lazily, still wide open to him. He crawled up to her face and put his hands up her scrub top as he ran his fingers up her sides, kissing her neck lightly and nibbling her earlobe.

"Oh my god," she breathed out with barely enough energy to mutter those words. He hadn't done that too her in over a year, and she'd almost forgot how good he was at it.

Derek smiled against her cheek. "I love you," he said, before he kissed her sweetly on the lips.

"Hmm, I love you too," she said smiling, with her eyes still closed.

"I missed saying that," he said, looking at her with a bit of sadness in his eyes.

She reached up and ran a finger down the side of his face. "I missed hearing it." She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

Just then the high pitched sound of a pager went off. Derek looked down at his waist, confirming it wasn't him.

"I think that's you babe."

Addison let out a low growl. "I can't. I can't move."

"No?" Derek asked, smiling slyly.

"No, my legs are jello."

"Really? Hmm, I don't know what that would be a symptom of."

"I do. It's called 'my husband sexed me up' syndrome."

Derek laughed at her and kissed her quickly on the lips. "Well, please don't cure that then."

"Mmm, help me up?"

"Ok. Come on," he said as he pulled her out from under the bunk gently by the arms. She still had one pant leg of her scrubs and underwear on. He bent over to put the other foot in and helped her pull them both back on. He tied the drawstring of the pants, grabbed her behind the head and kissed her feverishly.

"I'll see you at home," Derek said quietly as he pecked her lips a few more times and ran his hand through the ends of her tousled hair.

"K," Addison replied, really wanting to go with him. He started backing towards the door when she grabbed his flannel shirt and pulled him back. She kissed him forcefully and lightly grabbed his butt.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips. He smiled, pecked her one more time, and went towards the door.

"No, you love my butt."

Addison laughed as she put her other shoe back on and adjusted herself. "That's true, I do."

"Only love me for the tush!" Derek said loudly as he headed out the door. He turned back in, gave her that smile, and said, "See ya babe."

Addison smiled at how cute he was. "Bye." With that, he turned and exited the room and started walking down the hall. He stopped by the nurse's station to pick up a chart someone had dropped, and when he came back up to set it on the counter he came face to face with Miranda Bailey.

"Dr. Bailey," he nodded at her, a smile still glued on his face.

"Aren't you supposed to be off today?" she asked in her usual slightly annoyed tone.

"Yeah, I just stopped in to check on a couple patients."

"What patients? You know, my interns take care of your patients when you're off. Most of the time they _are _capable of doing their job."

"Well these were special patients," he replied smiling.

"Who?" Bailey asked, getting irked with him. This conversation was getting monotonous, so he decided to be straight forward and piss her off.

"Um, Addison's boob #1 and Addison's boob #2," Derek said smugly, trying not to laugh. Bailey smiled. She liked when they could be smart asses to eachother.

"Oh yeah, I heard you finally grew your balls back last night. Congrats."

"Thank you Bailey. I appreciate your support," he replied, still being sarcastic as hell. Derek started heading towards the exit.

"Yeah, yeah. Get outta here."

He smiled. "See ya."

Bailey was filling out a chart when the chief came up behind her, smiling.

"What's he doing here?"

"His wife," Bailey deadpanned, still stuck in her chart.

"What?" the chief asked, not quite getting her. Just then Addison came out of an on call room, desperately attempting to fix her hair and search for her charts. The chief's smile faded.

"Oh." He looked at Miranda. She smirked. He shook his head, memories of when the two Shephards were interns flowing back to him. Wonderful memories of teaching them, getting to know them, and spending long hours with them. Vivid memories of them dating, falling in love, and fighting. Unfortunate memories of them making up, in his hospital. He suddenly had a feeling that these memories would become a reality once again. "Oh no," he said again, shaking his head.

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews guys. Maybe I'll continue this into a chapter story. What do you think?


	3. Chapter 3

"Wanna have sex?" Derek asked, creeping up behind Addison as she was scanning the OR board. He wrapped his arms around her, and sucked on her neck behind her hair so no one would see what he was doing. Addison tried to act unaffected by this move. She turned around, trying to pull out of his arms, but he only pulled her tighter against him. She smiled, and moved her face closer to his.

"You my love, are a nymph," she said as she quickly kissed his lips, freed herself from his grasp, and walked over to the nurses' station.

"Well, you've got only yourself to blame," Derek said as he too examined the OR board.

"Me? I don't think it's my fault at all."

"Oh, I think it is. After what you did to me last night, of course I want more. It's all I can think about. Plus, I was no sexaholic until I met you. So therefore, it is your fault."

"What about with Meredith?"

Derek just stared at her. Why would she bring that up? In his mind, these were stupid questions. He didn't want to talk about Meredith with her. He definitely didn't want to talk about Mark and her. He just wanted to be in love with her again, and have sex right now. And these questions were not progress towards love or sex.

"Sorry," Addison said quickly. "I didn't mean to say that."

"Baby, I want you…Okay. I just want you."

"Okay," she nodded, smiling at him. "Where? Where do you want me?"

"On this counter," Derek said seriously, slapping his palm to the hard surface.

Addison giggled. "No," she said, shaking her head.

Derek looked around. "On that stretcher," he said, dead seriously again. He was pointing to a stretcher in the main hallway, clearly in everyone's view.

"No," She replied, laughing harder this time.

"Ugh, you're hard to please woman," Derek said, running his hand through his hair.

"Hmm, you usually don't have so much trouble," Addison said, winking at him and taking a step closer to him.

"Is that an insult?" Addison playfully nodded, and Derek's eyes widened. "Well, maybe I don't wanna have sex with you anymore."

Addison smiled coyly at him. "Well maybe I'll be in the locker room with no clothes on in two minutes," she said over her shoulder as she walked away from him, towards the attendings' locker room.

"Well maybe I changed my mind!" Derek yelled out to her, then quickly started in her direction. He rapidly caught up to her, then ran ahead of her, bursting through into the room, not bothering to hold open the door for Addison. He ripped off his scrub top and leaned against the end of the lockers, facing the door. Addison entered, eyes and smile both wide.

"Well, someone's anxious."

Derek nodded. "I am. Take your clothes off."

"Mm, and rather forward," she said as she closed the door. He took a couple steps towards her and locked it. When he pulled away from the door Addison grabbed his face with both hands and pressed her lips on his, and in the same moment jumped up to straddle his hips. Luckily he caught her, or they'd both have been in a lot of pain. He spun them around and slammed her back against the lockers. Derek took his hands out from underneath her so he could unbutton her blouse, but as soon as he did she started to slide towards the ground. He quickly moved his hands back under her butt to hold her up. His eyes were still fixated on her chest, desperately wanting to get under the silk that stood in his way. He moved his mouth towards one of the buttons and used his teeth to try and pull the fabric away from the button. Addison just laughed at him.

"Here honey, you need some help?" She removed her hands from his shoulder and hair, and quickly unfastened the buttons herself. As soon as her skin was exposed, Derek had buried his face in her breasts. He kissed as much of them as her bra would allow. Addison returned her fingers to his hair and dropped a few kisses on top of his head.

"Ugh, babe take your bra off too." Addison tried to reach under her shirt and lab coat to undo the hook, but it was practically impossible with her back shoved against the locker and all.

"I can't get it," she said, still struggling.

"Come on," Derek mumbled, still kissing her chest.

"Babe, I can't…I can't reach it." Addison pulled her hands back and tried to push off of him and get down, but he wouldn't let go of her. "Let me get down so I can take this stuff off."

"No," Derek replied shaking his head. "Here," he said, as he pushed the bra from the bottom up towards the top of her chest so her breasts were exposed. He smiled up at her, and she rolled her eyes at him.

"God Derek, you are so stubborn it's not even fun…" Addison tried to say, but couldn't finish her sentence because her husband had covered her breast with his mouth and started roughly sucking on her nipple. She moaned instead, and pushed her head back against the metal locker. He slid his teeth back and forth over the nipple, pulling at it then quickly massaging it with his tongue.

"Aah, baby," Addison said, hardly audibly. Derek smiled at what he was doing to her. He reached the hem of her skirt and pulled it up around her waist. He leaned away from her to look down and check out her underwear situation, and grunted when he saw nylons. Addison saw him eyeing her, and shook her head at him.

"Don't you rip them," she tried to say sternly, but half smiling at how cute the puppy dog face was staring at her.

Derek laughed lightly. "Addi…I'm not willing to pull them down."

"Well I don't think you have a choice."

"I think I do," Derek said grinning at her. He pushed his hips hard against her thighs and reached for the top center seam of the nylons.

"Derek, I'm warning you!"

Derek had his face mere inches from hers. He laughed, and she could feel his breath on her lips. Addison was doing everything she could not to laugh, because she knew if she did he would take it as a go ahead.

"Derek."

"What will you do if I do it?" he asked testing her.

"Not have sex with you."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. A week maybe."

Derek laughed. "Yeah right, like you could resist me for a week."

Addison's eyebrows rose at his accusation. "You think I can't?" Derek shook his head, still grinning from ear to ear. He knew he was irking her, and she was very competitive. "Ok, then I'll prove you wrong." She tried to push away from him to get down, put he was holding her way too tight and her pelvis was still pinned against the lockers.

"No," Derek said casually, and just when she was about to protest he covered her lips with his, pushing his tongue into her mouth, massaging the top of it. In the same motion, he ripped the nylons right down the middle, separating them at the crotch and all the way back. He knew she would raise a stink any moment, so he instantly starting rubbing her between her legs. Addison let out a sharp breath and pushed her hips against Derek's hands. She so badly wanted to yell at him and storm out, but she knew as well as he did that there was no way that was about to happen. She threw her head back and bit her lip so not to yell out in pleasure. Derek leaned in and attacked her neck with his mouth. She dove her fingers into his hair, and briefly pulled his mouth up to kiss him.

Derek smiled against her lips. "Are you mad?"

"Very," she replied, and moved her hands down to untie his scrub bottoms. She got the knot loose, but couldn't push them down because her legs were wrapped around him and in the way. "Pull down your pants."

Derek did as she said, with one hand as not to drop her. "Ooh, you do sound mad. Are we playing drill sergeant and weak army man?"

Addison laughed. "No."

"Why not? You'd be a hot lieutenant."

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah."

"Hmm, maybe I can find one of those skimpy little camo costumes."

"Okay," Derek said excitedly. Addison laughed with him, and he tightened his arms around her waist. She ran her nails up and down his biceps, giving him goosebumps.

"So are we just gonna stand here babe?"

"Hm, impatient," he said, pulling her against him and off the lockers. He carried her to a stretcher that had been shoved in the corner. He laid her down with her butt at the end of it, for he knew the thing probably couldn't hold both their weight and heavy movement. He kissed her and then stood up, and brought her legs up against his chest. He ran his hands up and down her thighs and calves, and turned his head to kiss her ankle and then her foot.

"I love you babe," he said, staring down at her.

She smiled. "I love you too." Derek reached down and held one of her hands and plunged into her. She let out a soft moan and closed her eyes, and he kissed the insides of her legs some more. He pulled out slowly, and then quickly pushed back in. Addison arched her back against the stretcher, moving herself down and closer to him. He created a steady pace, and watched her face to know which angles she liked and which spots to hit. He could tell she was getting close, and she was really wet. He really wanted to try something, something he knew he shouldn't try, but she was in the perfect position and already really aroused, both of which were crucial for the thing he wanted to try. He looked down at her again, and her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly open, letting out soft little throaty moans. 'She won't freak out,' he predicted. Derek thought she might actually like it; Addison was always a little more adventurous than most women in bed. He slowly pulled out of her, and gathered some of her wetness on the head of his penis. She still hadn't opened her eyes, so Derek moved down to a hole about one inch south of where he'd been. He lightly pushed just his tip in. A millisecond later, Derek found out his prediction was wrong.

"Derek!" Addison yelled, her eyes flying open. Derek just froze. Addison pulled one of her legs out of his grasp and kicked him as hard as she could in the stomach.

"Ow! Jesus Add!" Derek double over, holding his stomach.

"What the hell are you thinking? That hurt! And it's disgusting!" Addison was livid, and she'd gotten up off the stretcher and started gathering her clothes to put them back on. Derek was still against the wall by the stretcher, trying to catch his breath from the hard blow. Addison was half dressed when Derek could finally think straight and partially stand.

"Baby, wait. I'm sorry."

"No, Derek. Don't come near me. I am so…ugh!" Addison buttoned her blouse up the rest of the way and zipped up her skirt. She slipped her shoes on as Derek walked over to her, still halfway hunched and holding his stomach.

"Babe, come on. I'm really sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Let me make it up to you."

"Get away. I'm serious Derek, I'm angry. That was so rude, and violating, and…painful. I can't believe you did that. And with no warning! At least ask someone before you go doing that."

"You would have said no!"

"You're right, I would have. Cause I don't want to do that, I never have. I can't believe you don't respect that."

"I do Add, I'm so sorry. I just, I screwed up and got caught up in the moment. Please," he said, reaching for her.

"No," she said, pulling away and heading towards the door. "I'll see you at home." With that, she turned and left. Derek put his head in his hands and leaned against the lockers. 'What was I thinking? Of course she'd freak out!'

* * *

"What are you in trouble for?" Weiss said into the phone. He knew Derek must have screwed up with Addison or he wouldn't be calling on a random afternoon.

"Something bad," Derek replied.

"What is it? What'd you do?"

"I tried something with Addi, and she really didn't like it."

"What do you mean tried something? Sexually?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, did you give it to her in the ass?"

"Weiss!...Yeah, how'd you know?" Derek said grudgingly.

"Oh god man, cause I've done it too."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, a couple other guys I've met said they tried it with their wives, and we all got the same response."

"What?"

"A slap. Or a hit, I got a knee in the balls. I couldn't walk for two hours. Sav was pissed."

"I got a fucking horse kick in the stomach." Weiss laughed at this. "It's not funny man, she's so mad. What the hell was I thinking?"

"Same thing I was thinking, how bad you wanted to do it. The curiosity gets the best of every man when it comes to this, I'm tellin' ya."

"Well, what did you do to make up for it?"

"Flowers, candy, jewelry. Do whatever it takes. Oh, and be very giving in bed. I mean extremely, extremely generous. Just start eating her out anytime and anywhere you can. And learn new things that'll drive her crazy, and I mean they have to be really good. It has to be all about her for a while if you want to have sex anytime soon."

"Ok, ok I'll do all that. I gotta go man, I gotta call the florist."

"Ok, good luck buddy."

"Thanks. See ya."

"Bye."

* * *

Derek walked warily into the trailer. He saw the bouquets of roses placed on the table and the counter. He had sent three dozen, a pink bouquet, a white bouquet and a yellow bouquet. He had also written a card, very sentimental he thought, telling Addi how sorry he was. He also tried to explain why he did it and that it was a guy thing, but that he would never do it again and that he would understand if she never wanted to be intimate with him again. He threw the last part in for dramatic effect, and was now worried Addi would take it seriously.

Addison came out of the bathroom in gym shorts and a wife-beater. Her hair was kind of tousled and she was barefoot. "Hi," she said. Her expression and voice was emotionless. He had no idea how to play off of her.

"I'm sorry." He thought that was the best bet right now. Maybe he'd just keep saying that, no matter what she said.

"I know you are," she replied, smiling very slightly at him. She walked over to the sink and looked out the window. "Oh, I didn't realize it was dark already, I was going to go for a run."

Derek still had no idea what to say. "Oh. I'm sorry…Do you want me to sleep outside, cause I will?"

Addison gave him a weird and somewhat sympathetic look. "No…no I don't want you to sleep outside. It's okay Derek, I kinda understand. I talked to Sav and she said Weiss did the same thing to her. And believe it or not one of my patients started talking about how her fiancé tried it with her at seven months pregnant. So I guess…I guess it's just something you guys do. But I don't want to do that, okay babe? I'm not saying never, cause I suppose I'm a little curious too, but I'm not ready. I'd have to think about it a lot and really be okay with it." Addison looked up at Derek. He looked very happy and relieved, yet still very cautious. "Alright?"

"God, of course babe. We never have to do it if you don't want to. I'll never bring it up again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did that, it was so stupid. I'm so stupid."

Addison walked up to him and gripped his coat. "You're not stupid." She kissed him lightly on the lips. "You're not stupid at all."

"Wow," he said, running his hands over her back and around her waist.

"What?"

"I just thought I'd have to work a lot harder just to get you to speak to me again."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I mean the flowers were only step 1."

"Oh, well what else were you going to do?" Addison was smiling, clearly interested in what else she was going to get.

"Um, I was going to do candy tomorrow. And if that didn't work, I'd do jewelry. And after that, I'd have to break out the big guns and go shoe shopping for you." Derek smiled at Addison's sudden laughter, and she put her arms around his neck and kissed him forcefully.

"Well in that case, you are in no way forgiven. I'm very hostile still."

"Oh really?" Addison nodded. "Cause there was one thing I was going to do that I was pretty sure would get you talking to me again, or at least touching me again."

Addison's eyebrow's raised. "And what was that?"

"Come here, I'll show you." Derek pulled Addi to the kitchen area, pulled off her shorts and underwear in a swift motion, and lifted her up on to the counter. Addison was clearly surprised by this move.

"This is something my buddies in radiology told me about." Derek bent down and instantly started licking between her legs.

"Jesus honey," Addison breathed out, forcing her fingers through his hair. Derek spread her legs open wider on the counter, and shoved his tongue inside her. Addison let out a forceful groan and pushed her head back against a cabinet. Derek found it very hard to get a good angle, so he pulled her off the counter and just had her stand. He knelt between her legs and pushed his tongue back in her, twirling it around and finding her G-spot. He had to push his tongue pretty far up into her, but once he found it he knew. Her knees buckled and she grabbed on to the sink to hold herself up. Derek massaged the spot with his tongue while running his strong hands on her thighs, massaging them as they traveled. Derek realized Addison was already close to coming, and she was having a hell of a time holding herself up. He stood up, wrapped one arm under her butt, one arm around her shoulders, and buried his face in her neck. He kissed it a few times, then picked her up to carry her to the bed. He laid her down and resumed his spot between her legs.

"No," Addison said, very quietly. She put her hand over herself, and Derek grabbed the hand.

"No?" he asked, looking up at her. He ran their hands over her the top of her leg and waited for her to respond.

"Come up here." Derek got off the ground and leaned over her body.

"Yes?"

"I need you. Now," she replied heavily, reaching for his pants.

"But babe, I'm doing this thing. I thought you liked it.""I do. I like it very much. But I need sex now. We didn't get to finish earlier and you're driving me crazy."

"Ok babe, but let me just finish, cause it's a new technique or something and…"

"Derek!" she whined.

"Okay, alright," he said laughing. He pulled his pants and boxers off together, and ripped the t-shirt over his head. He pulled them both up to the top of the pillows, and kissed Addi sweetly on the lips.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear as he entered her. She gripped at his back and spread her legs, then curled one around his waist.

"Mmh. Me too."

Derek smiled at her, her eyes were closed and her mouth open in pleasure.

"Better?" Addison nodded, and smiled, her eyes still closed. "Okay." Derek leaned down and kissed her passionately. He'd have to remember to finish that oral technique later. He was glad Addi had forgiven him, but making it up to her sounded like too much fun to pass up.

* * *

Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

Here's Chapter 4. It's much milder than the others, but don't worry, I'm sure the squee will pick back up in the next chapter. Let me know what you think. Seriously, your reviews are the only things that keep me writing. Thanks!

* * *

"Addison, I'm not going," Derek warned, staring at her as she poured coffee into her cup.

"Derek, why wouldn't we go? What makes you think we shouldn't go?"

"We don't need it anymore."

"What? Why wouldn't we need it anymore? What indicated that we no longer need to go therapy?"

"We're having sex."

"So?"

"It's good sex, Add. We're doing well, and having incredible sex. What the hell do we need therapy for?"

"He's not a sex therapist Derek. We're not going for that. We're going to work on our relationship and resolve our problems."

"What problems Addi? I tell you I love you and you say it back, and we really never fight."

"Derek, what are we doing now? We're once again fighting; fighting about whether or not we should be in therapy. We have to talk about stuff honey, in order to move on and move forward."

"Oh, I have moved on. What, have you not moved on? You still like Mark or something?"

"No! Derek, you're just being ridiculous now, I'm going."

"I thought we were driving in together."

"Can we survive a car ride right now?"

"Yes, Addison. Jesus, you act like we've never fought before. It's fine. Everything's fine. Maybe you need to chill out," Derek rambled as he looked for the keys. Addison rolled her eyes, grabbed her purse and brief case, and went out to wait by the car. She wished she could snap her fingers and be at work. A half-hour commute with an aggravated husband was not what she wanted to experience right now.

* * *

Addison shoved her purse into her locker and closed the door. Derek shoved his wallet and keys and such into his locker and slammed the door. The car ride was not a pleasant one. Derek and Addison fought about whatever they could: the traffic, the dog, the therapy (again), the trailer, their work schedule, dinner that night, the lack of sex for four nights now (Derek's main complaint), etc, etc. Both were fuming and wanting to get away from each other, but unfortunately, they had been assigned to a case together. A woman, Anita Taylor, had come in at 4 am unconscious from a blow to the head, and conveniently six months pregnant. Addison clipped her badge on to her waistband, straightened her lab coat, and walked out the door. Derek glared at her as she walked out, shook his head, and took a deep breath. It was only 7:30 and he could already tell it was going to be a very long day.

Derek met up with Addison at the nurses' station as she went over their patient's file. She felt him approach and handed it to him forcefully.

"Ready?" she asked, not bothering to look at him.

"Addison, I just got the chart. Give me a minute." Addison just rolled her eyes and leaned against the counter.

"So are you gonna be nasty all day, or is this just a mood?" Derek asked while scanning the paperwork.

"Shut up Derek, stop acting like a dick," she spat, looking away from him.

"Nice Addison. Very professional. Why don't I just do this consult since I'm sure you are about to just embarrass both of us."

"You know what…" she started yelling, until she felt a hand on her shoulder pulling her back a little.

"Excuse me, may I ask what the hell is going on here?" The chief did not sound happy.

"Yeah, I'll tell you. My wife is being a bitch and I don't think it's a good idea for her to practice any medicine while she's like this." Derek and Addison gave each other death glares as Richard looked on.

"Well smart ass, I think it's a good idea for both of you to get your acts together and get on this case you were assigned. Whatever problem or fight you're in the middle of, you need to drop. I will not have two of my premiere surgeons putting patients' lives at stake due to marital spats. Is that understood?"

Derek nodded, and resumed scanning the chart.

"Addison?" the chief asked sternly.

"Of course," she said politely. "We're sorry." That she had to say through her teeth as she glowered at Derek out of the corner of her eye.

"Alright. Now get to work, Mrs. Taylor's condition is not improving itself."

Derek and Addison got it together for the patient, examined her, talked with her about what was going on and the measures they would take to heal her and save her baby. She had suffered a pretty bad head injury, so Derek was doing surgery early the next morning to stop some minor cranial bleeding. Addison ran lots of tests and did several ultrasounds to make sure the baby was stable. They had survived half of the morning together.

But at therapy, things took a turn downhill. Addison accused Derek of being unwilling to compromise, Derek got mad at Addison for expecting him to change everything about his life at her command, and the doctor did very little to help or intervene. So basically, they paid him two hundred bucks for a very heated, loud one hour fight. Then the doctor had the nerve to tell them they were progressing. They left the therapist's office in agreement about one thing: they weren't ever going back to him.

"See, I told you we didn't need to go anymore," Derek said as they walked back to the car.

"Derek, I agree that he's not working for us. That doesn't mean we don't need counseling."

"Jesus Addison, you don't give up do you. You can never admit you're wrong."

"I'm not wrong Derek. Ask any professional, I'm sure they'd say we need help still."

"We don't need help Addi. We've made it this long without therapy."

"We've never had such huge problems before either Derek."

"God that's all you ever say. We have problems, we have problems! " Derek was mocking her, and Addison was ticked.

"You don't think we have any problems?"

"I think we had a problem. For me, infidelity was a problem. But as far as I know, you're no longer sleeping with another guy, so it's no longer a problem."

"Wow, any chance to bring that up you sure take."

"What? Addison, you cheated, it was a big deal, of course I'm still going to bring it up. I'm allowed to bring it up."

"Derek, you were in the wrong too. You skipped out on like, over a year of our lives. You barely talked to me. You forgot my birthday, ditched me on our anniversary…You don't think that was a problem?"

"Yes, I think that was a problem. But I don't treat you like that anymore either. And I said I was sorry. And you said you were sorry. Okay, done."

"It doesn't work like that Derek. If it did, we wouldn't still be bringing it up eight months after the fact."

Derek shook his head at her and rolled his eyes. "Let's just stop talking the rest of the way."

"Fine," Addison scoffed, as she turned her head to face her window.

Derek started thinking about what she'd said. Maybe she was right. He thought he was over the whole thing, he thought their problems were behind them, but if they were, they wouldn't keep coming back up right? His anger kept multiplying on the rest of the ride back to the hospital. He skipped out on lunch with Addison to check on patients, and then he sat in the locker room and thought more about their current situation. The more he thought, the more he was convinced on how many problems they actually still had. 'How could I have been so blind?' he thought. Maybe sex was actually the only thing going right in their marriage. Other than that, they were still a mess.

* * *

Meredith Grey was filling out a patient's chart when she felt a pair of eyes on her. She turned to find the eyes belonged to her former McDreamy. She smiled at him, and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Can I help you with something Dr. Shepherd?" Derek just smiled back and shook his head. He thought about how simple things had been with her. They really knew very little about each other, but their three month love affair had gone relatively smoothly. Derek thought back to the first three months of his and Addison's relationship, which as he recalls was also pretty stress-free. Maybe this is just what happens after 11 years of marriage. You have fights, and problems, and obstacles, but you overcome them, together. He knew he wanted Addison, and only Addison, no matter what, no matter how big the problems got.

"I just wanted to tell you that you look very nice today Dr. Grey." Derek moved closer to Meredith and leaned next to her against the counter.

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd, but I believe you have a wife."

Derek nodded. "Yes, yes I do. And she's unbelievably gorgeous too. I'm just making an observation."

Meredith smiled and nodded at him. "Well thanks. And yes she is gorgeous."

"I was also going to ask you if you'd like to scrub in on my cranial bleed surgery tomorrow morning. I know you were interested the last time."

"Yeah, thanks. I would really like to," Meredith said, surprised he would ask.

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow morning then." Derek grabbed the chart he had been filling out and walked away.

"Yeah, see you then. And Derek…" Derek turned around. "Thanks." Derek nodded and smiled, and then kept walking down the hall. He had only been walking about fifteen feet when he found Addison in front of the first exam room, clearly trying to look busy.

"Hi Addi," he said casually. She just nodded, not bothering to look at him. "Can I talk to you for a second?" Addison just kept going through her chart. "Addison. Addi!" Derek said a little louder, now putting his face closer to hers.

Addison finally looked up. "Oh, are we talking to each other again?"

Derek rolled his eyes and pulled her into an empty room. She leaned against a wall and tried to look at anything but Derek, but he pulled the door closed and stood directly in front of her.

"What? What's wrong now?" he asked, sounding pissed.

"Nothing. What did you want to talk to me about? I have three cases to check on."

"I wanted to apologize for earlier. I think I understand what you meant about our problems and I…"

"What, did Meredith enlighten you?" she interrupted.

"Excuse me? Oh god, did you see us talking? Is that cheating on you?" Derek was being overdramatic and sarcastic, and Addison found it anything but funny.

"I'm gonna go now," Addison turned to leave but Derek put his arm out against the wall to stop her. She rolled her eyes and looked the opposite direction.

"Addi," he followed her eyes until they met his, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the shit I said earlier and I think we do need to work on stuff. So if you want to go to a new therapist, I think it's a good idea."

Addison was shocked. She hadn't expected this, at least not so soon. "Okay. Good. Thanks. Whatever you and Meredith talked about, it had a good effect."

"Yeah, I guess she does that to me." Derek and Addison just stared at each other for a few seconds. Derek instantly regretted saying it, but made no effort to take it back. Addison looked down at the ground so he couldn't see the tears forming in her eyes.

Addison tried as hard as she could to well the tears back, straightened her coat and headed for the door. Derek grabbed her with both arms, pulling her back against him.

"I didn't mean it like that," he tried to explain, but she had no interest in talking to him and tried to struggle free. "Addison, let's just talk about this for a minute," he pleaded, turning her to face him. It broke his heart when he saw her watery eyes and the few tears that had escaped. The worst image in the world for Derek Shepherd was seeing his wife cry; it instantly made him crumble. "Addi..."

Addison looked up, wiped away the wetness from her cheeks, and pushed his arm off of her. "I have patients Derek. I have to go." She finally got past him and briskly walked out the door. Derek slumped against the wall and buried his face in his hands. 'God, why the hell did I say that?'

* * *

Derek entered the trailer, happy to see his wife home already. It had been a long, rough day for both of them. He found her lying in bed, reading. "Hi," he said warily, not sure how she was feeling at this point.

Addison briefly looked up from her book to acknowledge him. "Hi."

Derek took off his jacket and shoes. He locked the door and turned off the kitchen light. As he entered the bedroom area, he pulled off his sweater and jeans and threw them into the hamper, so he was left in a white tee and boxers. He walked over to Addison's side of the bed and sat down, facing her. He played with the little trinkets on her nightstand, not knowing exactly where to start or what to say to her. Finally he looked up and met her gaze.

"I'm sorry, for earlier. Actually I'm sorry about this whole day. I'm sorry for what I said in the exam room, about Meredith. I didn't mean that, and I didn't mean to say it. I didn't mean what I said. But um, I did mean what I said about therapy and stuff. We should still do that, because you're right, I think we probably do have some stuff to work through. So basically that was it, that's what I wanted to say." Derek stammered through the speech he had gone through on the way home, not really getting any of it out the way he had planned. He had no idea why he was nervous, he had fought with Addison countless times; perhaps it was because this time they were dealing with such fragile issues and he desperately wanted to be okay with her.

Addison smiled slightly at his nervousness, and grabbed one of his hands, setting the book on her lap with the other. "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for yelling, and accusing you of stuff, and…for getting jealous."

Derek looked up and met her eyes at her last comment. He tried not to smile but failed. She smiled back, and shook her head. "Go ahead, laugh." He just smiled bigger, and leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek. Once his lips met her skin, he couldn't stop them. It felt so good to be able to kiss her. It felt so good to be so close to her, and to not be yelling. His body needed hers just as much as she needed him. Four days of no sex and an entire day of riding an emotional rollercoaster had turned their bodies into magnets. He trailed his kisses to her mouth, and she gladly responded. Derek pulled back, taking the book off of her lap and placing it on the nightstand. At the same time, Addison removed her glasses and set them on top of the book. Derek returned his kisses to her face, and used one hand to pull back the covers that were over her and replaced them with his body. He pulled her down with him and continued his attack on her lips as her hands trailed under his t-shirt. He moved his head to peck at her jaw, and lightly nibbled on her earlobe.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear, as he moved down to kiss her neck. Derek could feel warm wetness on the side of his face as he lightly suckled on her neck. He kissed his way up her cheek and tasted salt, so he pulled his face away to look at her tear-stained one.

"Babe," Derek said softly, wiping away the tears with his thumb. "Addi, what's wrong?"

"No, it's nothing," she said shakily. "Go back," she whispered as she tried to pull his head down to hers to resume the kissing, but Derek pulled away from her.

"No, tell me why you're crying." He looked very worried.

"I'm not crying."

"Addi," he pleaded with her. Again, Derek hated her crying. And now he'd experience it twice in one day. Addison reached up and cupped his face with her hands.

"Ok, these aren't sad tears. These are happy, relieved, thank God kind of tears. It's just," she looked down, "it scared me today when we were fighting and yelling, and now that we're back like this, it just feels so good and right and I missed it."

"Why did it scare you?" Derek asked softly.

"I don't know, I know it shouldn't because, well frankly we've been fighting like that our whole lives together, but there's still a small fear in the back of my mind that one fight could end up in you leaving. And I know you say that won't happen, and I believe you, I do, but there's nothing I can do to stop it from terrifying me."

"Addison, that's not fair. Obviously you don't believe me then. And you know what; you can't keep using that against me. Every time we fight, you can't say, 'Oh no, don't leave me' just to make me feel bad."

"Derek, I'm not saying it to make you feel bad. I'm just being honest, I'm telling you that's how I feel, and that's what I was thinking."

"Well don't feel that way! What if I did that? What if every fight we have I say, 'Uh oh, it's getting a little rough; please don't go sleep with any of my friends.' How would you like that, huh? Does that make you feel good?"

"No," she said, unable to look him in the eye. She was scared again. She could feel him staring down at her. It was kind of weird how they sometimes fought on top of one another, neither bothering to separate. It had happened many times throughout their marriage, and got them both kind of turned on sometimes. Half the time, if they fought like this, they would take a break and make love, and then resume their fight when they were done and had gotten some of that pent up energy out. Addison predicted this was not going to be one of those times. So there they lay, in bed, Derek covering Addison's body with his, every erotic body part touching, yet they were yelling at each other.

"I didn't think so. It doesn't make me feel good either when you think I'm going to walk out on you. I think I've tried really hard to make it work with you, and to make sure you know that I'm not leaving, ever."

"How?"

Derek was about to fume. He started yelling even louder and pulled off of her a bit. "What do you mean how? How about when I say how much I love you. I've proved it to you, I've taken you back and we've worked through stuff!" Derek softened his voice now. "How can you not know by now that I'm still in love with you Add," he said, looking at her sadly. Addison knew her confession had hurt him.

"I know you are baby, I know," she said nodding her head. She lifted her head to kiss his lips, but he barely kissed back. "Derek..."

"No, I…let's just go to sleep ok." Derek pulled his arms out from under her and attempted to roll off, but Addison grabbed him to keep him there.

"Derek, please, please don't do this." She closed her eyes so he couldn't see the tears welling up again. She knew he was mad, and hurt. And whenever he got his feelings hurt he tried to hide it by shutting himself off and being distant. And that hurt Addison.

"Add, we'll just talk about this another time alright," he muttered, trying to push away from her again, but she just held on tighter.

"No, I need you." She pulled his face down again to look at hers. "I need this tonight."

Derek stared into her eyes. They were sad and scared, two emotions he didn't want to deal with right now. He knew he couldn't make love to her. They should be having their make-up sex right now but he in no way wanted too. He didn't feel that they'd made up. In fact, Derek didn't think they had made any progress from that morning.

"I'm sorry Addi, I can't. I can't have sex with you tonight. I need to think, I need to cool off, okay. We'll talk about it tomorrow if we have time." Derek couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see her expression, the horrible look in her eyes. He simply broke free from her grasp and moved to his side of the bed, rolled on his side and turned off the light.

He knew she was crying, he could feel it, but this time he was going to stand his ground. He knew that they both knew they had more issues to work out. He knew Addi wanted to resolve them too, but she didn't want to feel any of the pain or sadness that goes along with it, which is obviously implausible. Derek just tried to drown out her shaky breaths and sniffles and closed his eyes.

Addison was nowhere near sleep. She tried to keep her crying controlled as Derek was 12 inches away from her and she didn't want to drive him any further away than she already had that day. The last thing Derek said to her was a hard blow to the gut, and of course, she lay there sniveling and overanalyzing it. 'Why did he say have sex and not make love? He always says make love. Has he changed his mind about loving me now? And why did he say we'll talk about it if we have time? We always talk about it, or fight it out, or resolve it. We rarely used to go to bed angry, but now it doesn't seem like Derek has a problem with it. Maybe he doesn't want to work it out. Maybe he doesn't want to make up. The way he was looking at me is a bad sign. He looked really hurt, god, why did I tell him I was still scared about him leaving? I should have just kept it to myself, now I've ruined everything!' She wondered why they couldn't get it right. They'd be doing really well, and then they'd have a little fight that would escalate bigger and bigger because neither of them wanted to deal with it. Lately, they'd solve the argument with sex, but clearly that was no longer going to work. Today they'd both gotten their feelings hurt, and realized their issues were deeper than they'd thought and not going away on their own. The more Addison thought about their situation, the more tears rolled down her cheeks.

Derek let out a heavy breath and turned over on his back. "Addi, please stop. You have to stop crying." He faced her a little, but she kept her back to him. "I can't hold you right now. I want to, really badly, but I'm not ready to make up okay. I'm still mad and hurt and I need to think and work it out on my own before I can work it out with you. And I can't lay here next to you and listen to it because it's killing me. Hearing your little whimpers is actually eating me alive. So if you don't stop crying, I'm going to go sleep on the couch."

Derek waited to see if she'd stop, because no matter how mad he was, he really didn't want to sleep without her. Addison just lay there really still, pondering what to do. She always had restless nights when he wasn't there next to her, but she wanted to regain her strength. If he was going to be distant, she wanted to be distant too; it might hurt less that way. She wasn't one to crumble during fights, she usually held her ground, but panic kept overtaking her. But this time, she wasn't going to let Derek hurt her. In her mind, that's exactly what he was trying to do, so she was going to do it right back.

"Just go," she said, not bothering to look at him. "Actually, you might as well go sleep at the hospital since your surgery is so early."

Derek was taken aback. This was the last reaction he expected. And, he was a little more hurt by it. At least when she was crying, it sounded like she cared. This response was just apathetic, as if she no longer had any feelings about their current state. He was too tired and his emotions and thoughts were too unorganized to fight her back.

"Okay," he said, as he threw the covers off of his body. He walked over to his tiny dresser, and grabbed a pair of pants, clean boxers, and a t-shirt and threw them into a small duffel. He went into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and comb, and flipped the light off. Derek stood at the little opening of their bedroom and stared at his wife. His heart hurt, but she was probably right about him leaving, a night away from each other might do them good.

"Bye," he said softly.

"Bye," she said. Her voice was a little shaky, as strong as she tried to make it sound. It was hard to say the word when she so badly wanted to yell 'stay!' She didn't want him to leave at all; in fact, she wanted him to do just the opposite. She wanted him to come over to the bed and grab her and hold her while she cried. She wanted kisses and whispers and she wanted make-up sex because that would mean the fight was finally over. She heard him take a deep breath, turn and walk out the door. She let more tears fall, and finally started actually sobbing when she heard him start the ignition and drive away.

* * *

Derek boarded the ferry, and walked out onto the deck. It was cold, and the wind bit at his exposed skin. He shouldn't be freezing right now. He should be in bed with his girl, under the warm covers with her body against his. Derek looked out over the railing and he could feel tears stinging his eyes. He just wanted her; he just wanted to go back to the way things were in New York, before Mark and everything. Hell, he'd even go back one month to when they had first made love again, because that was like the old them. He missed their life. They were so happy in New York, and life was relatively simple. They had the same hours at the hospital so they saw each other a lot more than now. They even had the weekends off then, and they'd go shopping, play golf, eat at little outdoor cafés in Manhattan, or go to the Hamptons to relax. He loved their house in the Hamptons. It was beautiful and white and right on the water. His favorite part was their little paddle fishing boat that they would row out a little ways and then lie down on the floor of it and make love. They would always laugh because they knew if anyone saw the boat rocking back and forth like crazy, especially since the water was still, they'd know exactly what was going on. He felt a few tears escape and he quickly wiped them away.

Derek looked down at his watch, which read 1:30 am. His prediction from earlier was right, it was definitely a long day. However, the outcome was nothing similar to what he had thought. Usually they would start out a day fighting, and end it having make-up sex. Derek loved make-up sex; it was one of the best kinds. To him, it said 'here's how much I missed you while we were fighting, and this is how much I need you no matter what.' But he didn't get to say either of those things to Addison today. He knew he shouldn't have said that comment about Meredith, but for Addison to react to everything the way she did showed him what little faith she had. For the past month, they had been going around their issues to stay happy. But Derek knew if he wanted to get their old relationship back, they'd have to face them. And it would be hard, and it would be ugly. But Addison didn't seem willing to actually face them yet, to actually deal with reality. She talked a big game about therapy and stuff, but when it came to essentially overcoming these obstacles, she was putting very little effort forth. Maybe she didn't want to, or maybe she was just scared of everything. All Derek knew now though was that instead of working out any issues, they had only dug themselves a much deeper hole.


	5. Chapter 5

Here's Chapter 5. It just continues right after Chapter 4, the next morning. Happy reading!

* * *

"I had a horrible night," Derek confessed, the sadness evident on his face. He and Addison had stepped into an empty exam room to talk. They both looked like hell, and both felt like it too. Derek had performed his surgery very early that morning, and Addison had come in a few hours later.

Addison nodded and looked down at her feet. "Me too."

"Do you wanna talk now?"

"Right now?"

"I don't know. I don't want to go on like this." Addison didn't say anything, and she looked everywhere but at Derek. "Do you want to go on like this?" He was starting to feel a wave of anger come on again.

"No, of course not."

"Then work with me here Addison. Say something. Say anything. I'm not gonna do all the work."

"I'm not asking you to do all the work," Addison replied, aggravated.

"Good, I shouldn't have to."

"Why? Cause I cheated?" Derek looked away, not sure how to answer. To Addison, that was an answer. "Please stop blaming me for everything."

"I'm not," Derek shot back forcefully.

"Yes you are. You've admitted you were at fault too, you admitted to being absent, but every time we get into a fight you blame everything on me. You throw all your problems aside and suddenly all you see is my infidelity. I don't think that's fair."

"I don't think any of this is fair Addison."

"Well fair or not, it's something we're going to have to deal with. All of it. Not just that I cheated, all the problems."

"Finally you realize that. Finally. Are you actually ready to face the problems, or are you just saying you're ready to win this argument?"

"I'm not trying to win anything Derek. And when have I not been ready? If anyone wasn't ready to face stuff, it was you. You ran away, not me. I chased you, remember?"

"Whatever Addison, this is pointless," Derek said nonchalantly, as he turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I have work to do. And I'm tired of this."

"I'm tired of this too."

"Good we agree on something."

Addison was mad. She was hurting, and a million voices were screaming in her head. 'Tell him it's not worth it anymore. No, tell him you love him and you just want to work it out. You'll do anything. No, that's stupid, that's desperate. Tell him he can go be with his little intern and his life will be so much easier and he won't have to deal with so many problems. But then you'll lose him. That'll hurt, that'll suck, you'll be miserable. This is miserable too though.'

"Maybe we should take a break."

Derek's heart stopped. 'Did she just say that?' Then his heart sunk. 'Oh god, she's giving up. I drove her so far to the edge and now she's just going to end it and be done with me; done with us.'

"What?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly.

"I'm not saying break up, cause I don't want that. I really, really don't want that Derek. I don't want to lose you, or leave you, ever. But right now, maybe we should slow back down."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I guess, I just think that we jumped back into everything so fast it was bound to catch up with us and overtake us. If we do the separate thing, maybe we can rebuild what we've lost and come together again, successfully."

"I don't really understand Addison, what does separate mean? We're married."

"I mean not live together. And I guess not technically be together. I'm trying to give you a chance here Derek. We were apart for three months and you found someone else. So if that's what you want..."

Derek couldn't take it anymore. He was furious once again. Furious at the idea, furious at her, furious that she still thought all he wanted was Meredith. "Addison, how many fucking times do I have to tell you I'm not going back to Meredith? I'm not in love with her anymore. Ok? I got over it. You need to get over it too. I'm trying to work it out with you, or at least I was."

"I'm not saying you'd go back to her Derek. I'm saying if you need freedom, I'm willing to let you have it. I came here and came after you. Maybe you didn't feel like you had much of a chance, or maybe you felt required to stay with me. I don't know, that's why I think a little break could help us both figure out what to do, where to go. What do you think?"

"How long do I have?" he said shortly, not bothering to look her in the eyes anymore.

"To decide?"

"Yeah, how long is this break? What's my deadline? I just figure out what I want and then you leave and go back to New York or something right?"

Addison tried to swallow the lump in her throat. What had she done? Now he thought it was over. He was expecting this break to fail and planning on her leaving his life. Basically she just asked for a divorce – a divorce, an end, a termination, a conclusion. She hated those words. They were all final, all permanent sounding.

Derek was getting more impatient and more heated by the second. "So what date will that be?"

Addison tried to hold the tears back, and she was successful, for now. "Um, I guess six weeks seems like a reasonable time frame."

"Six weeks it is." Derek turned to the door, opened it and left, letting it slam behind him. The door quickly reopened seconds later and Derek poked his head in. "Oh, and you can stay in the trailer, I'll just get a hotel or apartment for a while. I guess that is the gentleman thing to do, even though I don't think you deserve to be treated that way right now. I'll get my stuff out of there later. Bye." And with that harsh statement, he was out the door.

Addison finally let the tears fall. She gave herself five minutes to cry out all the negative energy, then got up, and fixed herself in the mirror. She decided this was a good idea, no matter how bad it felt. She also decided not to be the underdog, the weak desperate one this time. She grabbed her chart and walked out into the hall, holding herself up tall. 'Everything will work out for the best,' she told herself. As long as she could keep repeating that in her head, she would be okay.

* * *

"Okay, yeah I will…No, that doesn't seem fair," Addison giggled as she chatted on the phone. She was hunched over at the kitchen table painting her toe nails, attempting to cradle her cell between her ear and her shoulder at the same time. Derek walked into the trailer looking tired and upset. Addison glanced up at him quickly, unsure of how to react to him after their huge transformation. He made the decision for her. Derek gave her an ugly stare, trying to mask the hurt and sadness in his eyes. He stormed by her, heading to the bedroom to get some of his clothes.

"Honey, I've gotta go. Yeah, yeah I'll call you soon. You too. K, bye." Addison put the phone down and cleaned up her nail stuff, trying not to listen to Derek open and slam drawers in a hurry to get out of there.

"Who was on the phone, Mark?" Derek's voice was enraged.

Addison just kept cleaning and picking up. "I'm not even gonna answer that Derek."

"Good, save me from the pain."

"You know I wouldn't call him, you're just mad."

"No Addison, I don't know you wouldn't call him."

"Are you almost done, you're being ridiculous."

"No, I'm just smart enough to know history repeats itself."

"Meaning I'm going to go out and sleep with someone?" Addison looked at him quizzically, standing in the hallway with her hands on her hips. Derek looked up at her and smirked, basically conveying that he was agreeing. "Well who am I gonna sleep with Derek? It doesn't seem like you have too many friends out here. Oh, except Meredith. Do you think she'll want to sleep with me?"

Derek was livid. And extremely sad. But being livid helped ease the sadness. He hated sarcasm. He hated Addison being sarcastic. But mostly he hated this situation. He hated everything about it. It was one of those days where you just hate everything and everyone, and that's just how it is.

"Shut up Addison. Please, just don't talk to me. It's too painful." She could hear the tears in his voice, but he was looking down so she couldn't see them in his eyes. Her heart broke for him, for them, and she realized that being mean or indifferent about their current state would not help anything, especially save their relationship.

"I'm sorry. Derek. Derek, stop packing okay. I'll leave. This is your place and you like it out here and I'm the one who invaded. I should be the one to go."

"No," he said as he stuffed the last few shirts that would fit into his bag. "I can't stay out here, by myself. Now it would just remind me of you and I can't handle that. A hotel will be neutral. It will be a clean slate, and they'll make the bed for me everyday so I can start new everyday. I've gotta go." Derek started closing the drawers and zipped up the bag.

"Well, well I can't stay out here either, by myself."

"Why not Addison? You're the one who wanted this."

"It's…scary. This is the woods, and I'm alone. I'm going to a hotel too. I don't want to be left here."

"Addison, that's ridiculous. Doc is here, you're not alone and he'll protect you I guess."

"Derek…"

"Addison don't. Do not make me feel bad. This was you. This was your idea. I'm leaving."

"Okay. You're right I'm sorry." She did everything she could to pull herself together again. "Will I see you at therapy tomorrow morning?"

"I don't know. We'll see."

"Derek, if we don't go to the therapy how are we going to…" Addison was almost in tears again, the desperation evident in her voice.

Derek cut her off. "We'll see Addison. I didn't say I wasn't going."

Addison nodded. "Okay. I just don't want this to be the end Derek. I want to work it out…Do you want that too?" Derek turned towards her once he got to the door, suitcase in hand. He stared at her for a while, wanting so badly to be mean. He wanted to be bitter and resentful, and to say no to her questions. He wanted to hurt her as badly as she hurt him this morning when she asked for this break - this break that had just started and was already tearing him in two. His heart ached when he looked at her. She looked scared, scared to death actually. The hair he loved was pulled back with a barrette, half of it left down to cascade across her shoulders. She was wearing gym shorts and one of his wife beaters, and had Kleenexes weaved between her toes so the polish wouldn't get messed up. And her beautiful face was worry-stricken. It took every ounce of willpower in his body not to grab her right then. Every part of him wanted to stay there in the trailer with her, and hold her and protect her from whatever she was afraid of, whether it be the woods or their failing marriage. But he couldn't do that. They were pretty much separated now, and plus, he wanted to be strong; he wanted to be the man. He wanted to be the man who doesn't need the woman. Unfortunately for Derek, deep down he knows he is not or can never be that man, because he truly, madly, deeply needs the woman. More specifically, he needs this woman.

"I don't know Add. We'll just have to see…Bye." Addison nodded, and Derek walked out the door, heart breaking into a million more little pieces with each step he took to the car. He finally mustered up enough strength to start the ignition and pull out of the driveway. He only made it about a mile before tears clouded his eyes and he had to pull over and cry like a baby. Nope, he was definitely not the uncaring man he so badly wanted to be.

* * *

Five days had passed. Addison lived in the trailer; Derek lived in a hotel room. They both went to therapy, and actually had made a little bit of progress with their problems. They were cordial enough at work, but pretty much tried to avoid each other if possible. Their biggest problem was sleep, or lack thereof. In five nights, Addison had slept nine hours, Derek had slept twelve. Their work performance was still above average, but their attitudes had changed drastically and were very noticeable to all staff around them. Derek was a bit more edgy, snapping more, especially at interns. Addison was just quiet. She only spoke when she had to, and it was only about cases.

It was about noon and Derek and Addison had just returned from their therapy session, separately of course. Derek went into an on call room to try and sleep. That's all he seemed to want to do lately; it was probably a symptom of depression. However, there was a difference between wanting to sleep and being able to sleep. Derek had severe trouble with the latter, and his current attempt was no different.

Addison stood at the OR board, scheduling a surgery for that afternoon. She yawned, covering her mouth, but then two more yawns followed. Richard was watching her, and finally decided to speak up.

"No, Addi," he said, erasing her name off the board.

"Richard, what are you doing?"

"You're not performing surgery in two hours. You're way too tired, and don't try to deny it because I can see it."

"Richard, I'm fine."

"Addi, that's a four hour surgery, you're not doing it now. Miss Levon is not in absolute critical condition, you can perform it tonight after you get some sleep. And by sleep I mean a good five or six hours. Go."

"Richard…"

"End of discussion Addi. Please go get some sleep."

"Fine." Addison walked away and towards the on-call rooms. She knew there was only one way she would be able to sleep. She wasn't sure how Derek would react, but she had to give it a shot. Otherwise she would kill a patient, or die of fatigue before she got a chance.

Addison walked into the on-call room she knew he'd be in, letting the door shut behind her. She stepped over to the bunk, and looked down at Derek in the lower bed. He looked up at her, and they just froze there, staring at each other for a few moments.

"I need to sleep," Addison said, the weakness very evident in her voice. "Derek, I just…I just need some sleep."

Derek's sad eyes bore into hers, and he gently nodded his head. He knew exactly what she meant. She needed to sleep next to him. Just for a while, he knew. But he also knew she hadn't gotten any sleep for the past week, because he hadn't either. It was hard enough to be around each other in the daytime, at work, and at therapy, but at night it was even worse. At night they both had time to think about the emotional hell that had become their lives. And the palpable absence of a warm body, specifically each other's bodies, made nights unbearable. Sleep was not even an option.

"Here," he said softly as he folded back the blankets for her to slip inside. She removed her lab coat and kicked off her tennis shoes, and lowered herself onto the mattress. They both lay with their backs against the mattress, looking up at the piece of wood holding up the bed above them. They'd never had a more awkward moment in bed before. Neither knew whether touching each other was ok, or even cuddling, and Derek nor Addison was willing to take the chance and make the move.

Addison finally did make the first move by turning onto her side away from Derek. His heart couldn't help but break a little more, and he looked at the back of her head, the back of her shirt, the back of her. The woman he used to be able to get into bed with and wrap his arms around and press himself against that back and go to sleep. He could breathe in the scent of her hair and rest his head near her neck and give it small pecks whenever he wanted to. He could tangle his legs with hers and run his fingertips under the hem of her shirt, barely touching her soft skin. Or he could creep his hands down her pajama pants and wake her up in her favorite way. But now he didn't feel like he could do any of those things. He wanted to, but he still wasn't ready to back down from this fight, if you could even call it that. It really wasn't a fight; it technically didn't even need to be called a relationship anymore. Addison said he could go do whatever he wanted. She asked for this break, thinking this is what he wanted. His freedom, no more obligation, no more ring, no one holding him down. Derek knew, deep down, all he wanted was her. He didn't want a break, he didn't want a fight. He wanted Addison. But if she didn't want him, he didn't want her to know he still wanted her. So he turned over on his side too, facing the wall.

Addison still couldn't sleep. She had fought her inner battle and lost, finally succumbing to extreme fatigue and doing the only thing she knew would work. She could take sleeping pills, she could take an aromatherapy bath, she could try every other remedy but she knew they would not provide a restful night. She knew the only thing that could provide her that was Derek. Sleeping next to him would be instant relief from her current chronic sleep deprivation, and after five days she finally gave in. But now, here she was next to him, and she still couldn't sleep. And by now, her eyes were so heavy and her mind so clouded that she gave in again. She turned over and faced Derek's back, then scooted as close to him as she could, trying not to be too blatant. Her body mirrored the shape his laid in, but she was careful to not actually spoon him. Just the closeness, just the minimal contact was enough. Addison let out the colossal breath she'd been holding for what seemed like the past few days and finally surrendered to her tired body.

Derek couldn't help but smile. His heart warmed and he scooted back a little against her. Derek Shepherd was a thankful man. He was thankful that she wanted him too. He was thankful that he was a health threat to her, that he was her drug for exhaustion; he had the power to heal her. She needed him too. But mostly, he was thankful for the confines of the twin bed, because never had their clothed bodies felt so good together.

* * *

Okay, guys, there it is! Sorry, it's not exactly what I promised but their situation will get better by the next chapter! Please review, the more you do, the sooner they get back to their crazy sex habits : ) Thanks!


	6. Chapter 6 Part 1

Here's Part 1 of Chapter 6. I'm almost done with Part 2, so I'll have it up probably tomorrow night, Thursday night at the latest. Review if you like!

* * *

The hospital was quiet and the sky outside the window of the on-call room was dark. In the lower bunk, Derek lay with his arms draped around Addison. They'd obviously rolled over and shifted positions during their sleep, because now Derek was facing her. He had one arm draped over her waist, and he was laying his head on his other arm that extended above her head. Addison had tangled one of her hands in the hem of his shirt like she so frequently did when they slept, and the other lay lazily on top of his arm around her waist.

Derek began to stir, subconsciously pulling Addison closer to him. She, still sleeping, let him pull at her body until he was satisfied with their proximity, then snuggled into his chest and laid still. The sweet smell of Addison's papaya fragranced hair whisked its way to Derek's nose, and he finally succumbed to his waking body, his face buried against the top of her head. His eyes popped open as his mind tried to figure out exactly where he was, not that it mattered because he had everything he wanted in his arms. He pulled his arms around Addison even tighter, if that was possible, relishing in the feeling of holding her, because he knew it wouldn't last much longer, once she woke up - which was too soon, he instantly thought, as she started to move against him. He removed his arms from her body and just kind of held them out there, not sure how she'd react to them being cuddled up since they were technically on their break.

Addison opened her eyes to find herself looking at scrubs, blue scrubs to be exact. Her body was warm and felt protected, and she felt much rested, more so than she had in a while. She didn't feel arms around her, but she instantly knew it was Derek's chest she was huddled up against. She squirmed a bit, her body rubbing against his, and then she pulled the top half of her body away slightly so she could look at him. He was staring at her, a small smile on his face. She suddenly felt nervous, knowing he had been awake, watching her.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hi. Sleep okay?"

"Yeah. I slept amazingly okay. Thank you, for…for letting me sleep here."

"You don't have to thank me Add; I'm here for you, no matter what. Okay?"

Addison nodded shyly. "Okay." Neither of them knew what else to do. There they were, lying in bed together, half of their bodies press up against each other, yet on a break. It was confusing to say the least.

Derek knew one thing: he wanted nothing more than to kiss his wife. Actually, he wanted to do a lot more than that, but kissing was a small step forward and an obvious way to tell someone you don't want to be on a break. He slowly moved forward, closer to her. She knew what was coming. She drew an apprehensive breath in, but she knew she wanted it. She knew she wanted him, his lips on hers, for as long as he wanted to keep them there.

Derek inched even closer to her, moving at what seemed a snail's pace, and Addison closed her eyes in anticipation. He stopped an inch and a half away from her lips.

"I'm gonna kiss you Addi. If you don't want me to…that's just too bad," he said, right before capturing her lips with his own. He engulfed them, placing his mouth fully over hers, squeezing and pulling her lips between his own. He rolled his body closer to hers, wrapping an arm snuggly around her waist. Derek felt her fingers dive into his hair, and she tangled one of her legs in between his. He'd climbed halfway on top of her by now, when the door swung open abruptly. Bailey turned on the lights, and looked at them with her hand on her hip.

"I thought you was supposed to be sleepin'," she accused in her Nazi demeanor.

"We were," Derek said looking up, smiling. "Now we're not." Addison hid her face in Derek's neck, embarrassed.

"I'm up there waiting for a consult, and you're in here gettin' your freak on? Something's wrong with that picture McDreamy. And Addison, I expect this from him, but it's not like you to go all hormonal teenager."

"Sorry Miranda," Addison said, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. Get your butt outta bed Shepherd, we need you in exam 4 – car accident, head trauma," Bailey ordered, closing the door.

"Well, that's better than being caught by the chief," Derek said, smiling down at Addison.

She nodded. "I'd have to agree. Though she does pack a punch; you better run."

"I don't want to get out of this bed."

Addison smiled. "Well, I have a surgery, so I have to get out of this bed." Addison wiggled out from underneath Derek and started putting her shoes back on. "We have to be careful Derek; we shouldn't be doing stuff like this."

"Why not Addison? We're married, stuff like this is okay."

"Derek, we're taking a break. The therapist said this will probably work for us. If we resolve our problems first, then we'll have a stronger foundation to work from. Then we can go back to being 'married' and doing this stuff. Okay?"

Derek shook his head, clearly not agreeing with her reasoning. "Fine. Back to reality." He reluctantly got out of bed, and gathered up his stuff.

Addison put her lab coat back on and stood there waiting for Derek.

"So what are your plans for tonight?" he asked, hoping she'd want to get together.

"Um, I have that surgery in probably half an hour, then after that I'm going out for drinks with Miranda and Karen."

Derek nodded, disappointed. "That sounds like fun."

"Yeah, it'll be nice to have a girls' night."

"Okay, I guess I'll see you around then." Derek walked out the door, and let it slam on his way out. He slowly made his way up to the exam room where Bailey awaited him. He was frustrated with Addison's unwillingness to be close, and he didn't just mean in bed. Well, actually he kind of did. To him, this plan made no sense. They had made so much progress since she got to Seattle. For one, he didn't despise her anymore, he loved her. Two, they had gotten past the physical barriers between them and started making love again. Three, he was halfway towards forgiving her, maybe even three quarters. Of course it would take time, which Addison seemed to understand only some of the time. And it drove him crazy that she thought therapy was the key to everything. How could a break help them? This idea was stupid, and the idiotic therapist agreed with Addison, of course.

* * *

Later, Derek sat at the desk near the OR board filling out paperwork when Meredith walk up to put a chart away.

"Hey," she said casually.

"Hi," he greeted her back, "How are you?"

"I'm good, really good."

"Yeah?" he questioned, somewhat surprised at her unusual chipper attitude.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason," he said shaking his head.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah, just okay," he said, nodding his head.

"Things could be better?"

"Things could be much better. But much better things take time, and work." His face and tone matched – both were cheerless, almost depressing.

"Are you sad about Addison?"

"Yeah…I'm sad about Addison," he said solemnly, nodding.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"With you?"

"Why not? I'm a woman, and your friend. Maybe I could help, give you some advice."

"Advice from you?" he joked.

"Hey! That was a low blow."

"Ok, sorry. No, that would be nice. What kind of advice can you give me?"

"Good advice. I know a lot more about Addison than you think I do. After all, I have been assigned to her cases for the past three days."

"Well I would appreciate the help then. May I ask why you're so willing?"

"I don't know, maybe I feel guilty, though this is really your fault, not mine. Plus, I like you, as a friend, and believe it or not, I really like Addison, and if you can work it out, and if working it out will make you happy, than you should definitely do everything you can. Plus, I have a boyfriend now so I have no need to see other people unhappy to make myself feel better."

"Well, this is very noble of you."

Meredith scoffed. "No, I'm serious. I'd be grateful for it; any help you want to give me, I'll take."

"Great, we'll talk later. Joe's?"

Derek nodded. "Sounds good."

"K, see ya."

"See ya." Derek smiled. Maybe this would be good, helpful even. If Meredith had been around Addison the past couple days, she might actually know what she was feeling. Derek sure as hell had no idea what was going through Addison's head lately. She preached and preached about this brilliant break and working out problems, yet she also let him cuddle her and kiss her. To say the least, he was confused. And if another woman's perspective could help him sort things out and get through to Addi, he would listen.

* * *

Joe's was packed. The three female doctors found a booth in the corner and ordered margaritas. Soon, the tequila kicked in, and they were telling stories and laughing uncontrollably.

"And Tucker goes, I'll make you a deal. You change all the crappy diapers now, and I'll have the sex talk with him." Addison and Karen laughed, and Bailey just shook her head. "I'm like, you fool. I have no problem with having the sex talk. Women aren't all uncomfortable about it like guys are. You'll change as many diapers as I tell you to."

"Show him who's boss Miranda," Karen said, still laughing.

"Oh I do," Bailey replied nodding. Addison was amazed at what a great time she was having. Given the circumstances lately, she figured she'd be moping around the trailer with Doc, a pint of ice cream in hand. But going out with the girls was fun, and she was glad to have friends to take her mind off Derek. And just as soon as her mind was off Derek, it was suddenly back on him. No wait, those were her eyes on him - him, walking through the door of the bar, with her. Not even a week after their "break" had started, and he was already going out with Meredith again.

Addison wanted to avert her eyes as quickly as possible, but she just couldn't tear them away. She was bewildered. She was astonished. She was throbbing; her body, her heart, her head, everything was throbbing. Her attention was finally regained when she heard Bailey calling to her.

"Addison? Addison?" Addison turned her head to look at her, the look of utter bafflement still on her face. "You wanna leave?"

Addi finally snapped out of it, and regained her composure. "No, no," she said shaking her head, trying to play it cool. "It's fine, what were we talking about?" she asked quickly, trying to change the subject and get the attention off of herself.

Meanwhile, Derek and Meredith pulled up stools at the bar. Derek hung his head low in his hands, unhappiness evident on his face.

"So, let's talk about this. It's way too obvious how miserable you are. How can you fix it?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't know. What do I fix? She thinks this break will fix things, but I don't. I don't see how you can get closer together if you're apart for a month and a half. What do I say to change her mind? She asked for six weeks, a six week break. Six weeks? I can't do that, I can't live through that."

"Why not?"

"What do you mean why not? She's my wife, I love her, and I want to work it out with her. How is a six week break working it out?"

"Well, there you go. Why don't you tell her those things?" Derek moved his head closer to Meredith, unable to hear her over the noise of the bar.

"Tell her what?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "What you just told me. Tell her you want to be with her while you rebuild your relationship. Tell her you want to work it out with her. Tell her you love her. Do you ever tell her that?"

"I think so. But I don't think that's enough. She won't change her mind; she's so hung up on this strategy."

"I think it'll work. And if not, I'm sure she'd still like to hear it anyway."

Addison glanced up at them again, wishing she wasn't so weak to her own curiosity. He had his head bent down low near hers, and she couldn't tell if they were talking or kissing, and she didn't want to know. She excused herself quickly from the table and dashed out of the booth, heading for the safe confines of the restroom. She was just a blur of red hair, but Derek's head shot up and saw her before he heard the bathroom door slam.

All the color drained from his face. "I didn't know she was here!" He put his head back in his hands. "Now she has the wrong idea, us sitting here at the bar probably looks like a date, and…"

"You can fix this. Don't just sit here, go after her. Now's your chance," Meredith coaxed, practically shoving him off of his stool. He jogged over to the door, and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

Derek knocked, but got no response. He knocked again, a little louder, and still she didn't answer. He was getting impatient, frantic, and desperate to let her know he couldn't handle this anymore. He slammed his fist against the wooden door feverishly.

"Addison, open the door!" She still didn't come, she gave no reply. He rested his forehead against the hard surface. This time he spoke a bit more quietly, a bit more gently. "Addi, please. Please open the door for me."

Finally he heard the knob turn and she let the door crack open slightly. He pushed it open slowly the rest of the way and stepped inside. Addison was sitting on the toilet, her head in her hands, clearly trying to hide her tear-stained face. He immediately thought how weird the bathroom was. It was more like a home bathroom instead of a public restroom. It had just one toilet and a sink in the corner. And it had his wife, his broken wife. He couldn't believe how out of hand they'd gotten, going from crazy about each other, to challenging each other, to testing each other's limits, to touching and kissing, and then again pushing further away. He could only imagine what she was thinking in that moment, what she was feeling, what she was assuming. He needed to say something, and fast.

"It's not what you think it is." Addi didn't say anything; she just sat there quietly, desperately trying to stop the tears.

Derek knelt down in front of her, careful not to get too close and make her more upset. "We're just talking, about you actually, about us. I was miserable sitting in the hospital and Meredith offered to come here with me and just talk, and help me work it out. She's actually giving me pointers on what to say to you," he said, smiling at the last part.

"What have you got?" Addison asked through her hands.

Derek took a deep breath. This was his chance. "Not much. Just…I'm in love with you," he said softly, like a confession. "Like seriously still over the top in love with you. I'm shop-with-you-all-day-and-not-complain in love with you. I'm willing-to-get-rid-of-the-trailer in love with you. I'm let-you-have-all-the-closet-space in love with you."

"Really?" Addison asked, smiling. She loved the way he'd explained his love, like they used to when they were first married. They had so many in-love phrases that involved everything from cleaning the bathroom to eating the last of the ice cream.

"Yeah, really," he nodded, smiling up at her, "I just want this to work again so bad Addi. I want to be with you so bad, it hurts. It's actually bodily painful. I stooped so low as to ask Burke if a person's heart could physically break. I'm a doctor and I asked if that was possible."

Addison laughed softly, but kept her eyes closed as Derek moved closer to her. She let the tears seep out underneath her lids, making no attempt to stop them or wipe them away. She opened them to find him about a foot away from her face. "What do you want Addi?" he asked gently, looking up at her.

"You," she said smiling, opening her eyes now to look into his baby blue ones. "I want to work out our marriage. I want to be together for the rest of our lives. I want to build a big house, with a great yard. And I want to have lots of babies."

Derek couldn't help but beam from ear to ear. He so desperately wanted all of those things too. "That sounds like a really good plan. I think this was good for us. Yes, you can do your victory dance, I think you were right. A break gave me a lot of perspective. But Add, six weeks? It's been six days, that's all I can last," he said, grabbing his chest.

Addison laughed softly, reaching out to pull one of his hands off of his body and to hold it in her own. "Okay," she said nodding, "I'll accept my half victory, half defeat."

"No way, what have you done with my wife? She never accepts anything less than a win."

Addison smiled. "I win because I get you."

Derek nodded and smiled back at her. "You do, forever. You get me and I get you."

"Why is it taking so long for you to kiss me?"

Derek grinned and shook his head. "I have no idea," he said as he moved his face to hers, stopping an inch from her lips. "I love you," he whispered, before pushing his mouth forward and joining his lips with hers. He reached up and wiped away her tears with his thumbs, and used his hands to tilt her head so he could deepen the kiss. Addison grabbed the back of his arms, attempting to pull him closer. He suckled on her top lip, then let go and pecked at her mouth a few times. He rose up a little on his legs, and resealed their lips, pushing his tongue into her mouth.

Addison felt so good, she was so happy. She actually felt her skin tingle and her heart melt when he kissed her. She knew those things were cliché, but she swore she could feel them. She kissed him back fervently, wishing her lips were fused to his forever. She wanted him closer. She wanted her body as close to his as she could get. She tugged harder on his arms, bringing Derek to decide to stand up halfway, still not willing to break their connection. He reached down and put his hands under her thighs, then lifted her body against his as he sat down on the toilet, letting Addison down to straddle his lap. The continued their make-out session for a few more minute before they heard pounding on the door. Addison jumped a little, and Derek reluctantly removed his hands from where they'd traveled under her shirt. He kissed her softly a few more times, then pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Let's go," she whispered, receiving a nod from him. He lifted them up, letting Addison slide down his body to stand on her own. He kept his arms around her waist and leaned in to kiss her vehemently one more time. She hooked her arms around his neck and melted into his kiss, but soon pulled away when there was another slam on the door.

"Why don't we get out of here before they break that door down," she said, winking at him and pulling him by the arm towards the door. She checked her face in the mirror, and wiped away any traces of tears. He rubbed her back, staring at her.

Addison pulled away from the mirror and clutched her purse off the counter. "I'll meet you outside okay? I'm gonna go say goodbye to Miranda and Karen."

"K," Derek replied quickly, pecking her lips again. She smiled warmly, and opened the door. Waiting there was a rather large, bald, tattooed man with his muscular arms folded across his chest and a scowl covering his face.

"Sorry," Addison said sweetly, laying the charm on thick. "It's all yours."

The man's angry face didn't budge, nor did he move out of the way for them to pass through the door. "What the hell took so long?"

Addison didn't know what to say. "Um, well, we were having a talk, and…"

But she didn't need to explain, because Derek had made it perfectly clear. He got a proud look on his face and did a hip-thrust-motion kind of thing, indicating to the man he had just gotten lucky and to please cut him some slack. The man grinned.

"Gotcha," he said, moving out of the way so Addison could go by. Derek lightly put his hand on her lower back and pushed her forward.

"See ya man," Derek said to the guy.

"Adios," he replied, disappearing into the bathroom.

Addison turned around to face Derek. "What did you do?"

Derek played innocent. "Nothing, he just liked you I think."

It was clear Addison didn't believe him, so he leaned in to kiss her mouth again, hoping she'd just drop it. Not that she'd be upset, but he really wanted to get out of the bar and go home, or anywhere, as long as they could be alone.

"Meet me out front," he said, and he walked towards the bar to get his coat and say goodbye to Meredith.

Addison went back to her booth, getting worried looks from her friends.

"Mind if I take a rain check on the rest of the night ladies?"

"Not at all," Karen replied. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," she said smiling, and reached over to grab her coat.

Both women said goodbye, but Miranda shouted out to her. "Don't let me catch you making out in the parking lot; I've seen enough for one day."

Addison laughed, and shook her head. "You better make a b-line for your car, just to be safe," she joked. She turned towards the bar, and waved at Meredith, mouthing a 'thank you' to her. Meredith nodded and smiled back. And with that, Addison ducked out the front door, greeted by the sight of her handsome husband.

Derek was leaning against a pole, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. He smiled at her dreamily, and she smiled back. She walked up to him, and held out her hand for him to take, which he gladly did. He squeezed it, and then moved his fingers to lace them through hers.

"Where to, miss?"

* * *

I know, kind of a weird place to stop, but this chapter was way, way too long. Get ready for Part 2, it's quite squee-filled!


	7. Chapter 6, Part 2

I'm so sorry I lied about having this in by Thursday; my sister came to visit and we shopped our butts off, giving me no time to finish this part, though doing this would have been much cheaper : ) Hope you like it!

* * *

"Where to, miss?" he asked as they started walking towards the parking lot.

"I don't know. Where do you wanna go?"

"Not to my motel room. That place is depressing."

"I don't want to go to the trailer either," she said softly, shaking her head.

"Ok. We'll go somewhere new then. Somewhere special."

"Yeah?" She asked, looking up at him.

Derek nodded. "Yours or mine?" he asked when they got near their cars.

"Hmm, well do you think we can leave one here overnight? Cause I can just follow you…"

Derek shook his head. "I'm not leaving you baby. I'm not letting go of your hand. Pick one."

Addison smiled at him and rubbed his arm with her other hand. "Okay, yours."

"Okay," he said, walking her around to her side and opening the door for her. He helped her climb in, and leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips – or what he thought would be quick. She weaved her fingers into his hair and deepened the kiss. His tongue roamed her mouth and his hand grazed the inside of her thigh. Soon, Addison was reaching around the side of the seat looking for the lever to let it lay back. Derek caught on to what she was doing, and smiled against her lips. He pulled back and let his fingers play with the curly ends of her hair.

"Baby, I want you too, really bad, but if we leave now, we can get to an actual bed sooner, where we might be a bit more comfortable - and in the confines of walls."

Addison took a deep breath, and nodded. "Okay, you're right," she breathed out through her now swollen lips.

Derek smiled, and rubbed her arm instead of kissing her, knowing exactly where it would lead if he did. He climbed out of the car and shut her door, quickly walking around to his side.

He started to drive, towards the Alexis hotel he decided, after already having gone about a mile. He and Addison hadn't spoken yet; they just held hands in her lap as he drove. He came to a red light, and turned towards her.

"I'm sorry Addi." He paused, waiting for her to look up. She squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry for being indifferent in New York, I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to you. I hate myself a little more every time I think about that, and the way I treated you. I forgot our anniversary Add, how could you not have hated me? And I barely acknowledged your birthday, my birthday, Christmas. Why didn't you scream at me?"

"I did scream at you. Just in a very bad, unconstructive, unfaithful way."

Derek nodded, looking back at the road. He still hadn't forgiven himself, that wasn't an excuse for him, and it didn't make him feel okay.

"Yes honey, you did treat me pretty bad, especially that last year. I think we had this image of ourselves as untouchable, unsinkable, and we were wrong. Every marriage is sinkable, no matter how in love you are. And I know you didn't stop loving me, you just stopped seeing me. You stopped trying, and caring, and after so much of that, so did I. I found someone that wanted me, and even though I didn't want him like I wanted you, it felt really good to have someone paying attention to me again."

Derek winced. He didn't want to hear that. He didn't want to hear any of this, but he knew this was the only way they were going to get past these things.

"I'm so sorry I slept with him. I regret it, I do. I don't think I've ever told you that. I wish I didn't do it, okay? And I'm so incredibly sorry that I betrayed you like that. But I know everyone makes mistakes. We've both definitely made a lot of them these last couple years. So, I forgive you, for the way you treated me, and I forgive you for Meredith. Can you forgive me for Mark?"

Derek nodded, letting a lone tear run down his cheek. He was almost glad he was driving; it would have been hard to look at her right then. "I can. I have. I can't forget it, I wish I could because I hate what I saw, but I do forgive you baby. This mess we got ourselves into, it's not just your fault. I know that, I realize that. It's half, if not more than half, my fault. I pushed you away, and then I ran away and then I was in a relationship with someone else. But I know one thing – I can't live without you. I don't want to ever live without you again. K?" He squeezed her hand, then brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of it.

Addison too had a few tears dripping down her face. "Ok."

Derek got to another red light and turned to her, placing his hands on her face to look at him. "We're done with this now. This absent thing, and the Mark thing, and the Meredith thing, it's all over. No more grudges, or bringing it up when we fight, or getting jealous or mad or worked up about it. It's done. Let's move past it. We're strong enough now to move past this."

Addison nodded, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his. "It's all over. We're gonna be okay."

"We're gonna be great. Not just okay." Derek smiled at her, and she smiled back. He kissed her roughly, pushing his tongue into her mouth. He tilted her head back a bit so he could kiss her deeper, but pulled away when he saw the green light shining on them. He pressed the gas, returning his hands to the wheel. She rested her hand on his thigh, and started rubbing it up and down, letting it drop lower to the inside of his leg. He could feel her graze over his crotch lightly, then immediately return back to his leg. Just the slight contact was driving him crazy, and before he knew it, she was massaging him through his jeans.

"Babe," he moaned, pulling her hand off of him.

"What?" she asked innocently, as she leaned closer to him to kiss his neck.

"I'm driving. I can't concentrate when you do that."

"Well you shouldn't have picked a hotel so far away then," she said against his skin, sneaking her hand back to where it was.

"Look, there it is," he said, pulling her hand off of his groin and holding it above the middle console. "Can you behave 'til we get to the room?"

"I suppose," she smiled. "Ooh, it's so pretty. Let's get one of those balconies."

He smiled at her and raised his eyebrows. "And have sex on it."

Addison scoffed, smiling at the same time. "So you'll mess around on a balcony, for anyone walking down the street to see, but you won't mess around in the car, driving down a road no one is on?"

"What can I say babe? You married a complex fellow."

Addison laughed. "I guess I did, didn't I?"

They pulled into the valet, and Derek handed over the keys. They walked into the lobby, hand in hand, and checked in. After they got their key, boarded the elevator, and the doors shut, Derek couldn't keep control any longer. He pushed Addison against the wall and devoured her mouth. She giggled against his mouth, and he tried not to smile because he was trying to kiss her. She ran her nails lightly over his back, sending chills up his spine. He pushed his pelvis forward against hers, letting her feel what she'd done to him in the car. She'd only made it worse by standing so close behind him at the front desk, wrapping her arms around his waist as he gave the clerk his information. And before all this, she'd cuddled up to him in the on-call room earlier that day, and to top it off, made out with him three times now. Not to mention the two weeks that had gone by without them making love, and the six days they were on their break, making him want her even more every time he saw her at the hospital or therapy and couldn't touch her. So yeah, his need for her was very obvious.

"Mm," she squealed, giggling even more. "You want me," she teased.

Derek eyes widened and he grinned, nodding in agreement. "No denying that," he said, moving his head to kiss her neck.

The elevator dinged, signaling they had reached their floor. Derek grunted and pulled off of Addison's body. He held her hand and led her towards their room. When he saw a couple walking towards them, he guided her body in front of his, ensuring they wouldn't see the rather large bulge in his jeans. Addison couldn't stifle her laughs, and Derek pinched her butt for making fun of him. They finally made it to the room, and as soon as the door was unlocked and opened, Addison jumped him. He caught her legs around his waist and sandwiched her against the wall, kissing her fervently. She reached down to the hem of his sweater, pulling it over his head. As soon as the fabric passed over his face, his lips were back on her skin, attacking her neck. He sucked as hard as he could, shoving his hands under her white top to unhook her bra. As soon as he released the clasp, he carried her over to the bed and gently laid her down. He gave her a few more kisses, then reached to the bottom of her shirt and pulled it to the top of her chest, not having the will or patience to take it all the way off, just up enough so that he could get to what he wanted. He flipped up her bra, and covered her left breast with his mouth as soon as they were exposed. Addison arched up to his mouth in agreement, giving him the chance to slide an arm under her to hold her around her waist. His other hand went to her right breast to touch and tease it, ensuring it wasn't neglected.

After a few minutes of him caressing and her moaning, he moved his kissed downward, pecking at the soft skin on her abdomen, and softly blowing air in her belly button before reaching further to unbutton her jeans. She inhaled sharply when he let his fingers lightly graze the edges of her panties, slipping under them casually. He stood up to pull her jeans down the rest of the way, and while he was up he unzipped his and pulled them off to join hers on the floor.

He reached up to her hips, gently hooking his fingers under the waistband of her thong, and pulled downward, slowly moving the fabric over her thighs, past her knees, and off her ankles. Moving back to the bed, he tangled his lips with hers once again, thinking she needed some more kissing/cuddling time, but he was wrong. He felt her hands at his boxers right before she slipped her fingers in the front opening, wrapping her warm hand around him.

He shuttered at the sudden sensation and buried his face in her hair. "You really don't need to do that baby," he whispered in her ear, pushing against her hand at the same time. "I'm more than ready."

"Me too," she said back, turning her face to kiss the side of his. She removed her hand from him and used it to push his boxers down over his hips. He leaned up and kissed her quickly on the lips, pulling away to take the underwear all the way off. When he did, they were both completely free of barriers. He climbed his back up to her, wrapping her in his arms once again. She spread her legs for him to lie between, and encircled her arms around his neck, lightly rubbing his shoulders with her fingertips.

"I love you," she whispered, rubbing her nose against his. He smiled at the Eskimo kiss she gave him.

"I love you too," he replied, kissing her with his lips. He reached down to position himself, and then pushed his hips forward. He entered her, and she let out a little moan mixed in with a sigh. He kissed her lips as hard as he could, trying to mold them together so they couldn't ever separate again. He started moving in and out of her as he moved his lips down her neck.

Addison clenched every muscle inside of her around Derek. She squeezed and then released, but then squeezed again. Derek couldn't breathe. He couldn't think, he couldn't see, he couldn't do anything when she did that.

"Oh god baby," Derek exhaled into her neck. "Don't do that yet."

Addison's eyes were closed, and she really wasn't paying attention to anything besides the pleasure she was indulging in. Derek had her. He could do anything he wanted and she would let him, she would love it. She clenched harder onto him, not willing to let him go anywhere, ever.

"Addi…" Derek said desperately. She still wasn't listening; not that she was ignoring him, she just wasn't hearing him. She was too wrapped up in the feelings flowing through her body to take note to his warnings. She repeated the move, this time pushing her body farther down onto him, ensuring that every possible inch of them was touching.

"Babe stop…" Derek tried to pull out, but Addison quickly grabbed his back to prevent him from moving. "Well sweetie, then you have to stop doing that or I'm gonna come now, and we just started."

"What? What am I doing?" she asked softly, frustrated that he'd stopped moving inside of her.

"You're squeezing those muscles, and it feels way too good." He moved his head to lightly kiss her lips. She opened her eyes to look at his face – pleasure mixed with pain.

"Sorry honey, I don't even know I'm doing it." She ran a hand through his hair and pecked his neck.

He smiled. "You don't have to apologize baby; I just don't want to be done in 60 seconds."

"Okay," she smiled. She spread her legs open further, using her hand to bring her knee up closer to their bodies. "Maybe this will help."

Derek groaned at how deep he could go the further she spread her legs. "Oh god," he moaned out.

"What?"

"It just feels really good," he said, almost whining.

Addison laughed. "Well do you not want it to feel good?"

"No, I do. I definitely do."

"Okay," she said, fusing her lips to his, "let's go then. Don't worry so much, honey." She started moving her hips a little, cluing him in to what she wanted.

He picked up pace again, trekking her chest with his mouth as he did. After a few minutes, he realized he better do something more for her pleasure before he lost the battle to his. He lifted her hips up to angle them, allowing him to push against her g-spot with each thrust. The first time he knew he had rubbed it right because she moaned loudly, squeezing his arms that were holding her up. After that, he just kept repeating the same motion, stroking the spot each time. He watched her face laced with pleasure, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. When something was extremely pleasurable, she would lightly bite her lip to keep from screaming out, and instead let out throaty little moans that drove Derek wild.

Addison was on cloud nine. She gripped on to Derek, stabilizing her body as he moved in and out of it. She felt guilty she was letting him do all the work, but at the moment her body was paralyzed with ecstasy. She squeezed herself around him again – her little effort at pleasing him, which to him had big results. He could actually feel himself harden each time she did that. Her trembling thighs and erratic breathing told him she was close, so he pushed into her a bit harder, bending his head down towards her lips as he did. He pushed his pelvic bone against hers, causing friction near her clit that sent her over the edge.

She started convulsing around him, and Derek could feel her body shuttering against his. He let go at the same time, and they came together, kissing as they did. Derek pumped into her a few more times, and then finally ran out of energy and pulled her body with his as he lay onto his back.

"Mm, thank you." Addison kissed his bare chest and rested her head on his arm.

Derek laughed. "No, thank you. You're incredible. I still can't believe what you can do to me."

Addison smiled at his confession. "What can I do?"

"When you squeeze me like that, I just, I can't think, or breathe, or function at all. It feels so amazing. You feel so amazing," Derek whispered, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

"You feel amazing too baby," Addison replied, turning her head up to kiss his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said, kissing her once more before she lay back down on his chest. He pulled her body more on top of his, then started lightly rubbing her back

With very little sleep for them each, they fell into a slumber, bodies still joined.

* * *

A little over an hour later, Derek woke up and smiled. He bent down and kissed the top of Addison's head, but she didn't stir. He pushed himself into her a little farther, and let his fingers trail down to her shirt. She still had on her white scoop neck T, and thanks to him, a still unclasped bra. He reached into the top of the shirt and pulled the fabric down just enough so he could bring one breast out. He massaged it with his hand, and pinched and rubbed the nipple a little to get it hard. She opened her mouth to let out a soft moan, but remained in her sleeping state. He paid equal attention to the other breast, and then shifted their bodies so Addison was lying on her back on the bed, and Derek could hover over her body. He moved lower down on the mattress, using his mouth on her body where his hands had previously been. With his hands free now, he let them wander down her torso, stopping to rub lightly between her legs. He nudged her further open to allow two fingers to slip inside her.

Addison awoke to a feeling of bliss once again. She realized she was already very aroused, her husband busy caressing her in all her favorite spots. She let out a pleasurable sigh and tangled her fingers in his hair.

"Mm, baby?"

Derek's head popped up when he realized Addison was awake. He grinned at her, not stopping his fingers.

"Hi," he said, moving up to kiss her lips.

She smiled. "Again?"

Derek nodded, pressing his lips to her jaw, then down her neck.

"Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he breathed heavily, burying his face in her chest once again.

"Should we go to sleep then honey? It's three a.m. already."

"Sweetie, I'm a guy. Anywhere, anytime, any situation, I take sex over sleep."

She giggled and nodded. "Okay, that's fine by me."

And Derek proceeded, for another hour and a half, to take sex over sleep.

* * *

The next time Addison awoke, she was alone in bed instead of being pleasured. She smiled anyways, recalling the events of the night before. She stretched, her body well worked out, and leaned over to check the clock – 11:00 a.m. She rarely slept in so late, but she desperately needed the sleep. She wondered how Derek would make it through the day after last night, and an early morning. Reluctantly, Addison pulled her body from the warm sheets to head for the bathroom, but a bouquet of beautiful pink roses on the dresser caught her eye. She smiled and walked over to them, picking the note out.

'_Addles-_

_The pink rose signifies pure joy and happiness. I know it's cliché, but I actually woke up this morning with a smile on my face. You felt so good in my arms, I hated leaving. Last night was wonderful; you make me feel so incredible baby, and not just when we're making love, all the time. I love you.'_

Addison's smile stretched across her face. She held the card to her chest as she bent over to smell the flowers. She loved him so much. She loved the roses, she loved the message, and she loved the fact that he used the nickname he always used to use in love notes.

Addison was elated. She set the card down and made her way to the bathroom. She reached in the tub to turn the water on, and laughed at her reflection when she glanced at the mirror, taking a look at her sexed up hair and still swollen lips. She took a nice long shower, emerging from the steamy room forty-five minutes later to hear a knock at the door. She quickly wrapped herself in one of the big white terry robes, and peeked through the peephole, spotting a bellboy.

"Hi," she greeted him.

He smiled. "Mrs. Shepherd. These are for you. Can you sign here?" In his hands was a huge bouquet of red roses, obviously a continuation of Derek's spoiling.

"Sure." She didn't even bother to correct him for not calling her Dr. Shepherd. She liked being called Mrs., probably because she so rarely heard it. She signed, and took the vase from him.

"Thanks," she said, closing the door. She instantly searched for the little card again, giggling as she read it.

'_The red rose signifies beauty and desire. This morning, Karev and O'Malley were calling you McHot, and joking about dreaming about you. I wish I could control their dirty minds and stop them, because you're mine, but unfortunately I can't. However, I can control my mind. You're the only one I see – the only one I'll ever see. And believe me, it's a gorgeous sight.'_

Addison couldn't believe how lucky she was. She had the best husband in the world, even though he hadn't been so great for a period of time; he was definitely doing a pretty good job of making up for it.

Addison spent the next two hours reviewing cases, reading, and relaxing. She had ordered room service, and jumped up off the couch when she heard the knock at the door.

"Hi, again," she said, as she realized it was the same bellboy with a butler holding the tray.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Shepherd. Your lunch, and another delivery for you."

"Wow, thank you." She signed the sheet once again, and tipped them both.

The butler set her food down on the table, and the bellboy brought in a gorgeous bouquet of white roses and set them at the end of the dresser, next to the other two bouquets.

"Someone must really be trying to romance you Mrs. Shepherd?"

"Oh, yeah," she smiled. "Yeah, they already have, he's already got me."

"Well I'm sure he's glad to hear it."

Addison smiled. She liked this bellboy, and she loved his accent. And she loved that he was making her day by delivering all these flowers.

"Dr. Shepherd wanted me to give you this after the white roses." The bellboy handed her an envelope. "He also wanted me to let you know there is a limo downstairs waiting for you when you're ready."

"Ready for what?"

"I believe you'll have to ready the letter to find out, miss."

"Ok, ok. He's got you in on this, huh?"

"I just deliver the good stuff, mam."

"Oh, well I appreciate it, immensely."

"Not a problem. You have a wonderful day."

"I'm sure I will. You too."

"Bye Mrs. Shepherd."

"Bye," Addison replied as she closed the door. She walked back over to the flowers and found the last card; she assumed she should read that before the letter.

'_The white rose signifies forgiveness and humility. I'm so thankful for this second chance for us. Everything will work out Addi, we're meant to be. I want so badly to deserve you. You're everything to me.'_

She smiled as her eyes got watery; he's just so sweet. She smelled the white roses too, before tearing open the envelope, and reading the paper inside.

'_Addi- _

_These three roses together signify unity. We are a family, and we are forever. They also symbolize trinity. I want a third Add. I want a baby with you, a baby that looks just like you. Here's two tickets to Cabo – paradise awaits us. I already talked to Richard and got us both time off. Get ready for a week of sand, sun, and lots and lots of sex baby. I thought this trip would be nice for us. We need some time, just you and me, and we could use it to work on conceiving. I'll go to the trailer after work and get our stuff, but you should probably go shop for the other essentials like bathing suits and all that. And don't you dare get me a Speedo – I'm serious Addi : ) I'll meet you at the hotel around 8, and then we leave on the redeye tonight. I can't wait baby. I love you more than you'll ever know. Call me if you need anything. _

_-Derek_

Addison had too many emotions running through her, she couldn't decide which one to express. She wanted to laugh at the sex and the speedo comment. She wanted to squeal with excitement at the fact that they were getting away together, finally able to enjoy alone time. She wanted to cry at how happy she was that he wanted a baby, a family. They'd wanted this for years now, and they both knew they were finally ready. Instead of wasting her time on deciding on how to feel, she put the letter down and changed clothes quickly, clipping half of her hair back on the way out the door.

She hopped aboard the elevator, rode it down to the lobby, met her favorite bellboy once again, who led her out to the front and into the limo, that took her to do one of her favorite things – shop her heart out.

* * *

Derek slid his key card into the door and pushed it open. Before he could get halfway through the doorway, there were lips on his and arms around his neck. He smiled, wrapping his arms around Addison's waist in return. He lifted her and walked forward, letting the door shut behind them.

"Hi," Derek said against her mouth, barely able to get the word out.

"Hi," Addison replied, pulling away from him a bit, a smile plastered on her face. "Thank you, for today. I loved the notes, and the roses, and everything."

"You're welcome. You deserve it. You deserve everything." He lightly kissed her nose, and set her back down to the floor, but kept his arms wrapped around her.

"Mm, well I only need you."

"You've got me…You exited?"

"Oh god yes. I shopped for hours. And I think I got you an appropriate bathing suit…not that you'll be wearing it much." Addison winked at him, and smiled.

Derek raised his eyebrow and laughed. "Really? Well that's fine with me, as long as you're not wearing one either."

"Oh I won't be."

"Okay," he said, smiling devilishly. "You all packed?"

Addison nodded. "Sans one item."

"What's that?"

"Birth control," she answered, bringing an even bigger smile to both of their faces. "We're ready."

"We're ready," he agreed, tightening his grip around her, as she rested her chin on his shoulder. And not just for a baby, they were ready for anything. They'd built the foundation again that they needed to weather whatever came their way. They were ready for a fresh start. They were ready for a vacation, alone together. They were ready to reconnect mentally, emotionally, and physically. They were ready for a family, a baby. They were ready for anything. Derek smiled, and kissed the side of Addi's face. They were so ready.

* * *

Ok, there it is. I'll start working on the next chapter as soon as I can. It's going to be a major squee chapter in Cabo, and very NC-17, so if you don't like that stuff, definitely don't read the next installment. But if you do, definitely read it. I'll get it out as soon as I can, but I'm facing finals soon. Review if you liked this one!


	8. Chapter 7

Much thanks to the Cosmo Water Kama Sutra edition for helping me greatly with this chapter, you'll see why. I could never be this creative with sex positions. But Addek can be : ) Some of them might be hard to picture, I tried to describe them the best I could. But if you have the June copy of the magazine, there's illustrations! Also, there's really not much of a story to this chap, just a lot of action, sex action to be more precise. And not really that much dialogue either. So basically it's just porn, but it is rated M, so you can't say I didn't warn you. But anyway, here it is, on with the squee, and so sorry it took me so long!

* * *

Addison and Derek arrived in Cabo on a beautiful sunny morning. They had slept through most of the plane ride, so they drove to their hotel, got their luggage all settled, and decided to get right down to fun in the sun – which to them was actually naked fun not in the sun, but in their hotel room, making love again and again.

They'd gotten a gorgeous suite with a kitchenette, a balcony overlooking the water, and a personal Jacuzzi, right in the room. Of course they really didn't notice any of these amenities, because they'd entered the room, ripped each other's clothes off, and went straight for the bed.

After a couple hours, they ordered lunch, made love again, and then fell asleep.

Derek woke up to the smell of a salty breeze coming through the window. He opened his eyes to a beautiful view. Right outside was a sparkling turquoise ocean leading up to a perfect beach with soft sand and the sun beating down on all of it. No rain, no hospital, no problems, just Cabo. But Derek wasn't looking out his window; he was look at his favorite person in the world, sleeping on his chest. Waves of red hair led up to a fair, beautiful face, and on that were two pink, full lips that he couldn't resist for a moment longer. He leaned down and united his own with hers. When he pulled away, her eyes fluttered open, and he could see the same ocean blue in them as he could through the window.

"Hi," she said sweetly, still sleepy.

"Hey," he replied, kissing her forehead. "We're in Cabo."

She nodded against his chest, looking towards the window. "I know, it's beautiful."

"Mmhmm. Do you realize I've been inside of you for like three hours now?"

Addison laughed. "Wow…we should call Guinness."

He looked confused. "The beer?"

"No, the world record thing. Maybe we've established a new record."

Derek seemed very satisfied with himself. "Hmm, I bet we have."

Addison looked up at him and smiled. "Wanna keep going?"

Derek flipped her over, and she squealed. "Do you even have to ask?"

They remained joined for two more hours, until Addison decided she was starving and sent Derek out to get a bag of street tacos for dinner. They ate on the balcony and watched the sun set, then stayed in for the night watching pay per view movies, and of course, having more sex. They may not have been taking advantage of their surroundings, but it was definitely their idea of a great vacation so far.

* * *

After another morning of making love over and over in their hotel room, Addison was going a little stir crazy.

"Baby, let's go to the beach."

"But you can't be naked at the beach," he smiled, pulling her body back towards him.

"Honey, we've been in here half of today, and all day yesterday. Please, let's just go outside for a little while," she begged, playfully sticking out her lower lip.

Derek laughed. He couldn't resist the lip. "Ok," he agreed, kissing her now smiling mouth.

"Thank you," she smiled, and kissed him back. She went over to her suitcase, snatched her bikini, and went into the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Derek called out to her.

"Changing," Addison replied.

"And why do you have to go in the bathroom and close the door?"

Addison poked her head out and looked at him quizzically. "I don't know."

"You know I've seen you naked right?" Derek joked.

"You have!" Addison faked surprise, covering up her breasts with one arm. She already had her bottoms on, but she opened the door all the way to make him happy.

Derek laughed and walked towards her, but Addison quickly pulled the top over her head and tied the ties behind her back.

"Too late," Addison teased.

Derek groaned and reached for her, pulling his arm around her bare waist. "Why'd you do that?"

Addison poked his nose playfully and smiled. "Because if I let you near me naked again, we'd never get out of here. And you're taking me to the beach, you promised."

"I don't think I promised. I said ok. That's retractable if your wife looks this hot in a bikini."

Addison laughed and kissed him on the mouth. "No, it's not. But thank you for the compliment," she said, kissing him again. "Now get dressed."

"Ugh," Derek reluctantly let go of her to get his trunks on.

They made their way down the elevator and out to the sand without Derek ripping her clothes off, so they were positively progressing.

Derek did go a little crazy when Addison started lotioning her body up, but then she massaged the lotion into his back and shoulders and he forgot to complain that she wasn't naked, he just sat and enjoyed her touch. They laid out for a while until Addison got bored and dragged a napping Derek out into the water with her. He screeched like a girl when he first stepping in, complaining it was too cold, which Addison cracked up at, but he soon realized it was just the initial shock of the water and he eased in. To get her back for laughing at him, he threw her over his shoulder and swung her around, threatening to let go and fling her into the water, head first.

"Derek, Derek stop," she yelled, playfully beating her fists into his back.

"You laughed at me. I won't tolerate that," he rebutted, spanking her butt lightly.

He went deeper into the water, and started acting like he was going to throw her in.

"Here's your stop my friend," he joked.

"Derek, come on."

"One…" he counted, swinging her body.

"Baby don't," Addison pleaded, gripping his skin.

"Two…" he laughed, but stopped swinging her when he looked into her eyes.

"Please, don't let go of me," she said, holding onto him.

He smiled softly. "Okay, I was just kidding baby."

Addison nodded and grabbed for his shoulders, pulling body onto his. Derek latched his fingers together under her butt, holding her up. They stood like that for a moment, just holding each other.

"See, isn't it nice to be in the sun?"

"I suppose," he sighed, looking around at the people on the beach.

"You suppose?" she replied mockingly. She smiled at him and kissed his lips, then trailed her mouth down his cheek, up his jaw, and to his favorite spot under his ear.

"Addi…" he grunted, immediately pulling away from her soft lips.

"What?" she asked, feigning innocence. She went back to kissing his neck and grinded her hips against his at the same time.

"Baby, what are you doing? I'm not gonna be able to…"

"No one can see under the water," she interrupted him, looking into his eyes seductively.

"Addison…" he warned. He knew if he gave in just a little, he wouldn't be able to take it back. And he wanted her so bad, right in that moment. Actually, he wanted her in all the moments, but after seeing her in her little bikini, and watching her rub lotion all over her body, his body was aching for her. His decision was soon made when she reached into his trunks and wrapped her hand around him delicately, lightly rubbing and caressing him while once again fusing her lips to his neck and ear. He groaned in pleasure and held on to her tighter, pushing her pelvis against his. She kissed him on the lips quickly, and then pulled away to take her bikini bottoms off. She handed them to him, and he smiled widely.

She smiled back at his excitement, and winked at him. "Don't let go of those." She moved her hands back to him, pulling his shorts down a few inches.

Before he knew it, she had gripped him around his neck, fused her lips to his, and pushed down onto him. He groaned in pleasure at the feeling inside of her, and his hands went to her hips to help guide her. The water created new sensations for them both, and they tried not to get carried away to where their movements would become obvious.

Derek kissed Addison's neck as she held on to him tightly around his shoulders, trying to squeeze one hand between them to rub her clit, but she had her legs wrapped around him pretty strong.

"Open a little wider baby, I'll hold on to you," he said into her ear, trying to push her legs open so they weren't gripping him so securely.

She gave in, and he could finally reach her clit. He rubbed small circles around it, then gently rubbing it directly with his thumb. She bit into his neck to not cry out, and started moving her pelvis faster against his hand and body.

He was sure it was clear to any onlookers what they were up to, but at that point he didn't care. He was on the edge, and he could feel she was too. He rubbed her a little faster and pumped in and out, and moved her face to kiss her on the lips before she started coming. Pleasure wracked through both of their bodies, and he whispered 'I love you's' into her ear as she laid her head down on his shoulder trying to regain her normal breathing pattern.

She smiled against his skin, and kissed his neck softly. "We haven't done that in a while."

Derek craned his neck to look at her, with a puzzled look on his face. "Made love?"

"No," she laughed. "No, we've definitely done a lot of that. I mean in the water."

"Oh, yeah you're right. Probably not since Maui. That was like five years ago though."

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "That was a fun trip."

"It was," Derek nodded too. He realized that was the last trip they took together before they both started working so much, and before he became so absent.

"I love you," he said into her ear, kissing it quickly.

"I love you too," she smiled. "Wanna go back to the towels? It is getting kinda cold. I might start shrieking like a girl at any moment," she joked, pulling herself off of his body to stand on her own. She reached for her bikini bottoms in his hand, but he pulled away. Instantly, she knew that little wisecrack was a mistake.

"Derek," she cautioned.

He smiled wickedly, and started backing away from her.

"Don't you dare."

"I told you, I will not be made fun of," he grinned, back up a few steps more.

"Derek…"

"Addison."

"Okay, that's fine. You take them. I guess everyone will see me naked. I hope this beach is ready for a show." Derek quickly stepped in front of her, holding the bottoms out for her to step into. She knew that would get him; he didn't like to share.

She smiled, and held on to his shoulders for balance as she slipped the bottoms back on. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he smiled, as he cupped her butt and kissed her.

* * *

A few days later, Addison and Derek were sitting out in the cabanas on the beach, soaking up the sun. Derek had had a dream about Addison and Mark the night before and had been quiet the whole morning. He didn't remember the details of the dream, he just knew they were together in it, in bed together in it, and it had thrown him into a bad mood the moment he woke up. He didn't want to take it out on Addison, so he was pretty quiet, only talking when she asked him questions. But he himself had a question he wanted to ask her that he couldn't get out of his mind. It was a horrible question to ask, and would most likely start a fight, but no matter what he did, he couldn't stop thinking about it. So finally, he decided to just get it over with.

"Addison, when you…when you were with Mark that time, did you…" Derek fumbled through his words, trying to formulate his question. He had no idea why he was asking this question; it was a question he didn't want to know the answer to, yet he couldn't seem to stop the words from wrecking out of his mouth.

Addison instantly got nervous at the mention of Mark's name. Why would Derek want to know anything about when she was with him? And why would he ask about it now, when they were so happy, here in the middle of paradise? Here, sitting in the cabana, tanning and lying together, and he randomly decides to ask about Mark. Why? And what if he asked more questions? Should she lie? Addison hadn't lied to him yet, but she hadn't told the whole truth. Derek never asked if she stayed with Mark after he moved to Seattle, and Addison had no idea how to bring it up, how to tell him, or how Derek would react. Her fears and nerves kept her from ever revealing the information, and she hoped she wouldn't have to now.

"…Did you come? I mean…was he good? Was it like it is with us?" Derek looked down at his hands, ashamed for even bringing the subject up. But curiosity and jealousy was killing him, so he went on with his inquiry.

Addison shook her head, also quite uneasy about his question, but she mustered up all the confidence she could to ensure Derek he had nothing to worry about. "No baby, it was nothing like with us. How could it be? I've never been in love with Mark. It was just sex. It was just…I don't know, it just was that. It wasn't good, no, and…I don't know, honey, why are we talking about this now, here? And why are we talking about it at all?"

"I don't know, I was just, I was just curious, sorry. But I think I have the right to ask questions."

"Yes, you do have that right. But I have that right too, and I'm not asking you about Meredith. I thought we came here to get away from all that and reconnect, just us?"

Derek nodded. "You're right. Sorry, I don't know why I even brought it up."

Addison nodded too, looking out at the ocean. They sat in silence for a minute or so, neither quite sure how to recover from such an awkward conversation.

Derek stood up, slapping his hands against his legs, finally breaking the quiet. "I'm gonna go grab a beer from the bar, you want one?"

Addison glanced up at him, and shook her head. "No, no I'm okay. Thanks."

"Okay, be right back."

Addison nodded, biting her lower lip. He jogged off through the sand, leaving his wife worried and anxious. They were doing so well, why would he ask that? Why would he care? Who in their right mind would want to know? She sure as hell didn't want to know about his and Meredith's sex life. Maybe it was a guy thing, a territorial thing. He was always very possessive, so of course her infidelity absolutely crushed him. Perhaps he just needed to know that he was superior, that he still had her, mind, body, and soul. Which of course he did, but maybe he needed that reassurance from her. Addison decided it would be best if they just tried to work past that conversation like it didn't happen, and not let it get to her the rest of the trip. They would tackle that issue when they absolutely had to.

Derek came back with a beer, and a fruity looking drink. "Here babe, I know you said you didn't want anything, but it came with a free cup."

"Oh a free cup!" Addison said enthusiastically, but somewhat sarcastic. Derek laughed along with her.

"Well, a free cup's a free cup. Plus, this just looks too pretty to pass up."

"Mm, that's exactly what I think every time I look at you."

"Ah." She smiled at him.

"And then I just have to do this." He leaned over to her chair and pressed his lips against hers. He was just going to give her a quick kiss, but once he felt the surge run through his body at the slight contact, he needed more. He pushed his lips harder against hers, forcing her lips open so his tongue could slip in. He massaged it against her tongue, getting a moan from her and a hand in his hair. Derek kissed her for another minute, running his hand up the side of her body.

"Babe," Addison hummed. He was driving her crazy with his kissing, rubbing, and hovering over her breasts.

"Mmh?" Derek moved his lips to her neck, clearly either oblivious or not caring that they weren't alone on the beach.

"Let's go in the water," she muttered, pulling his head back so he could see the desire in her eyes.

"Your drink's gonna melt," he smiled, his mouth inches from hers.

"You're too pretty to pass up," she flirted.

Derek smiled at her wit and decided to play along. "Pretty?" he feigned being offended.

"Oh, excuse me, handsome. Way too handsome to pass up."

"That's what I thought," he whispered against her lips, kissing her passionately again before pulling her up to stand. He held her hand and led her towards the water, but not before grabbing their inner tube along the way.

"What's that for?" Addison asked confused.

"You'll see," he winked at her. They waded out until they were waist deep in the ocean, Derek pulling the inner tube along next to him.

"Okay, come here baby." Derek brought the tube towards her and helped her get in so she was sitting, her butt in the hole.

"Why am I getting in?" she asked, smiling at his little plan.

"I don't know, I'm taking you for a ride."

He pushed the tube and kept going further into the water. He stopped when he was about chest high, and turned her tube so she was facing him. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"We're far," she said, and he nodded. He pushed her body back on the tube a bit, so her butt was only taking up half the hole. It was a pretty big tube, and the hole was somewhat square shaped, so there was a lot of room. In a quick motion, Derek dunked under water, and came back up standing in the hole of the tube with Addison.

"Hi," she laughed, running her fingers through his wet hair.

"Hi," he replied smiling, reaching instantly for her bikini bottoms. He couldn't take them off from where he was standing, but that was okay with him. He had a perfect view and a perfect angle to get to all the places he wanted. He took his pointer finger and moved the crotch of the bathing suit to the side, revealing her to him.

"Derek," Addison warned, surprised at how forward he was when they were in front of a beach of people, although no one could possible see what he was doing.

She was about to protest again, but his tongue darted out and started doing magical things to her. She inhaled sharply and gripped the black handles of the inner tube, arching her body towards his face subconsciously. Derek licked and lapped at her, alternating sucking her clit hard and then caressing it softly with his tongue. He had to hold her hips in place, as usual, but it was more of a challenge for him because he had no bed to push her against, just a flimsy inner tube and the rolling waves. The water though, as they'd experienced previously, provided wonderful sensations and he could tell Addison was enjoying them by how wet she was getting. However, unlike last time, he could keep her body from being submerged in the water, thus not letting it wash her natural wetness away.

She was starting to grind her hips against him a little harder and faster now, and her little gasps and moans had gotten a bit louder, so he decided she'd had enough. Plus, he wanted her too bad. He used the sides of the tube to pull his body up through the hole and wiggled his legs under her arms so he was facing her in the tube. When Addison realized what he was doing, she quickly reached forward and pulled his trunks down just enough to pull him out, and guided him towards her opening.

"You're gonna have to sit up a little baby," Derek said, trying to position her body to fit to his.

Addison readjusted, and he rubbed her clit with his thumb as he slid into her. They both let out low moans. Derek began a slow rocking motion on the raft, allowing him to slide halfway in and out of her while remaining rather discreet. From anyone else's point of view, it just looked like two people lying on a tube.

Derek kept rubbing and rocking for a few minutes, watching as the pleasure played across his wife's face. He changed up the angles every once in a while, but it was hard to move too much or he'd loose his balance or hold on the raft.

He knew he was getting close, and so was she, so he picked up the pace, which was hard as his legs were pinned under her body still. He needed both hands to push against the raft if he wanted to move his body more. He removed his fingers from pleasuring her, and grabbed for one of her hands to replace his.

"Can you do this baby?" He started rubbing both of their fingers over her clit, and when they got a steady rhythm, he let her take over. Derek then used both hands to hold onto the raft as he pumped in and out of her faster. Addison bit her lip so she wouldn't yell out, and Derek pulled her hand away from her clit so she wouldn't come yet. He let her put it back after a few seconds, and then took it away again when she got really close. After a few times, she got frustrated and Derek felt they were both on the verge because she was clenching him like crazy.

He moved her hand away from her clit and took over, because he knew if he let her rub herself to orgasm she would stop as soon as it hit and then it would be over. But if he did the rubbing, he would keep going and she would come two or three times, something he loved to watch. He pushed in small circles and pumped in and out of her, squeezing so he wouldn't come until she started. He felt two strong clenches, and then she started to convulse around him. He let go seconds later, and they came together, out there in the ocean once again. The thrill of being in public only added to their excitement each time.

"Wow," Addison breathed out, coming down from her high.

"Yeah, that was incredible babe."

Addison nodded. They sat in silence for a few moments before she moved forward, pulling off of him. She moved across the tube, pulling his shorts back up and readjusting her bikini bottoms, ensuring they were both covered up. Then she lay forward, kicking her legs out in the direction her husband's were, and settled against his chest. He tangled his fingers into her hair, and kissed the top of her head. They cuddled, asleep in the sun for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

The next few days were much like the previous ones, spent lying on the beach, eating wonderful food, and making love. They were adventurous a couple more times out in the ocean, using the raft again and once a surfboard when the beach was deserted. Derek laid Addison on her back on the surfboard and just spread her legs and went to town. It was a wonderful position because he could move her back and forth quickly as the surfboard glided across the top of the water. They shopped in between sex and meals, took a few drives out into the country, and hit a few discos a couple nights. Soon it was the night before their last day, and they had gone to Cabo Wabo, ate tacos and drank tequila shots.

Back at the hotel, Derek sat on the balcony of their room in a lounge chair, Hawaiian shirt open in the front and beer in hand. He looked out at the crystal blue ocean and sighed.

Addison came out to join him, and sat near the foot of the lounge chair, facing Derek, draping her legs over his. She smiled at him, and he smiled back, and she grabbed for his beer and took a swig.

"I don't wanna go home yet," he whined, taking his beer back when she handed it to him.

"I know, it's wonderful here." Addison ran her fingertips up and down her husband's legs, casually dipping under his shorts once in while. By the time he'd finished his beer, she'd gotten much more adventurous. Her hands went from rubbing him through his shorts, to unzipping them, to pulling them down, and now she was reaching into his boxers.

"Addi…" he reached to pull away her hands, but she didn't let him grab her.

"Let me," she said, looking into his eyes. She kissed him while she pulled both pairs of shorts down, and started running her fingers up his length. He breathed heavily into her mouth, cupping the sides of her face with both hands.

A few minutes later, her fingers had been replaced by her mouth, and Derek had his fingers laced through her hair. He watched her mouth go up and down on him for about thirty seconds or so, and then he wanted to progress to her turn.

"Baby…" Derek tried to pull Addison's head back towards his chest. He wanted to kiss her; he was a guy, so of course he naturally loved what she was doing, but for some reason he had a much easier time giving than receiving. Maybe he felt like Addison shouldn't have to do that; that perhaps since he'd been such a jerk to her for so long that he should always be the one giving the pleasure and not receiving. But in actuality, Derek had always been like that. He'd usually let Addison go on for a minute or so before he grabbed her and pulled her back up to him so he could hold her and kiss her and be in control. Maybe he just liked closeness. Whatever the reasoning was, Derek wanted his arms around Addison's back and his lips on her face. He let go of her hair and hooked his hands under her arms and pulled upward, towards him. He got her up to his chest before she reached and pulled his hands away, kissed his chest quickly, and went back to what she had been doing.

"Addi, stop," Derek moaned in pleasure.

"No," she said sweetly, showering his inner thighs with kisses before taking his tip back into her mouth again. She sucked hard, and his body jolted. He didn't want to come like this; he wanted to come with her. He grabbed her and picked her up before she could fight him, letting her wrap her legs around his waist. He kicked off his shoes and shorts, and walked into the room towards their Jacuzzi. Derek set her down and quickly helped her shed her sundress and panties, and let her rip the shirt from his shoulders.

He put a foot in to test the temp of the water, and then climbed in further. Derek sat down on the second step, bending his knees so his feet rested on the third step. He pulled Addison to straddle his lap, kissing her mouth before she could sit down all the way, letting him enter her. They both sighed as he ran his hands through her hair, suckling on her lower lip. Before she could start moving on him, he took control. He laid her back slowly, gently resting her back on his thighs, much like you hold a small baby. He pulled her legs up under his arms, resting her feet on the step above him.

When he finally had her in the position he wanted her in, he pushed her body forwards a few inches, pulling out of her, and then pulled her back to him, plunging back in. The water made her weightless, so he could alternate speeds and move her around easily. He held one arm under her back with his hand cradling her head so she wouldn't fall under the surface, and the other hand reached to her clit to start playing with it, pinching it and caressing it.

Addison had her eyes closed and her head halfway submerged under water, thus losing both her sense of sight and hearing. She wasn't really tasting or smelling anything at that point, so all of her attention was focused solely on touch. And oh how wonderful that touch felt. Her body was on fire, and not because of the hot Jacuzzi water; though the warm water and bubbles were adding some wonderful sensations to the incredible things her husband was doing to her. She could already feel her entire pelvic region heating up, and she couldn't believe how close she was already.

Derek pulled out of her then entered her again, pushing hard this time as he knew she was going to orgasm. He lifted her up out of the water so she was sitting, and he crushed his lips against hers as she convulsed around him. He came soon after, shooting into her, wave after wave of pleasure flowing through his body.

Addison, out of energy, lay against her husband as he leaned back against the step. She rested her head on his shoulder, burying her face in his warm neck.

"God," she whispered, still out of breath. Derek nodded, agreeing. "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied, kissing her cheek.

They sat in the spa for a long time, bodies relaxed by the warm water, and by each other.

* * *

Derek and Addison settled into their first class seats on the plane. They both got comfortable, their newly tanned bodies sitting close to each other over the arm rest.

"That was so fun," Addison reflected, looking out the window at the setting sun.

"It was," Derek agreed, nodding. "We had a lot of sex."

Addison nodded, silently concurring.

"We probably had enough sex to last us for weeks, a month even maybe." Derek smiled, waiting to see if she'd react.

"What?" Addison looked at him like he was crazy. He laughed, getting the reaction he wanted. He put an arm around her and dropped a kiss to her head.

"Kidding, of course. So you wanna do it now?"

She playfully hit his chest. "No, I'm tired." She paused. "Tomorrow?"

Derek nodded in agreement, and leaned down to kiss her softly on the lips. "Think we made a baby?" he whispered. They'd agreed not to stress about it, but he couldn't help but wonder.

Addison smiled back. "Maybe."

"Yeah," Derek said contently, looking out the window as they backed away from the gate.

"I had fun no matter what."

"Me too baby. I had a lot of fun. And if we didn't make one on this trip, we sure as hell got a lot of practice."

"That we did. Not that we needed any."

"True, true," Derek said, feigning cockiness, sort of.

Addison laughed, and grabbed his jaw, leading it towards her face. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said smiling, pushing against her hand to get his lips closer to hers. With all his practice, he knew exactly what to do when he finally reached them.

* * *

Please review! Again, so sorry for the wait! Hope it was worth it!


	9. Chapter 8

It's been almost 4 months since I updated. That's embarassing. But at least I finally did. And thanks to Kim, cause she gave me a little bump and motivated me to finish the chapter. So here ya go girl, have a fun trip. But you should know, I wrote this tonight instead of studying for my Political Science test, so if I fail, it's all your fault : ) Just kidding! But seriously, y'all cross your fingers for me, I haven't even opened the book this semester; never a good sign.

Anyways, go read.

* * *

Two months after the trip to Cabo, Derek and Addison still weren't pregnant. They had good tans and a good time, but no little blue plus sign, and Addison was getting frustrated. If anyone should be able to get pregnant when desired, it should be one of the nation's leading neonatal specialists. But unfortunately, biology didn't care what degrees or fellowships or awards she held; knowledge wasn't key here, strong swimmers and a receptive egg were.

Addison hustled into the kitchenette, smoothing out her black pencil skirt and strapping her Italian leather sling-backs on. "So Derek, I'm ovulating starting Thursday," she said, shoving her planner into her briefcase and reaching into the cupboard to grab a travel coffee cup.

"K, what does that mean?" he asked, at the same time shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"What does ovulating mean?" Addison said, giving Derek a 'come-on' look.

"I know what ovulating means. But what does it mean for me? Why are you telling me three days before?"

"So you can be ready." She grabbed the coffee pot and filled her cup, reaching to the fridge for cream.

Derek still looked confused. "What do I have to do to get ready?"

Addison let out a sigh, hand on hip. "Not jack off. And we can't have sex until then either."

"Addie, that's a lot to ask. I don't know…" he said, playing around with her. Of course, Addison took it the wrong way.

"Are you serious Derek? You can't keep your hands out of your pants for 48 hours? Cause I thought we really wanted this baby, and if you aren't willing…" Addison stopped abruptly when she realized Derek was laughing his ass off at her. "You're a dick."

"Aw, baby come on. I'm just having a little fun with you." He stood up from the table and stepped to where she was standing in front of the bathroom, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I promise, I'll keep my snake in its cage, okay? The pork and beans will stay in the can. Johnson will remain in his house. The…"

"Okay," Addison said, putting her fingers to his lips to stop him from going on. "Thank you."

Derek laughed and leaned in to kiss her. "This is okay right?"

"I think so," Addison replied nodding, closing her eyes.

"Good," Derek whispered before he pressed his mouth against hers.

* * *

Addison double-checked the board; she had thirty minutes until her next surgery. She spotted Derek by the nurses' station, signing charts. She snuck up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing the side of his neck.

"It's Thursday," she whispered.

Derek smiled. "That it is. And I'm in the mood to knock someone up. Who's it gonna be?" He placed the chart on the table and turned to face his wife.

"Pick me," she said, laughing as she placed her hands in his scrub pockets. She pressed her lips against his, kissing him soundly.

"Wow, you're a good kisser; I think I will pick you."

She smiled and pulled him by the hand towards an on-call room. Once they were safely hidden and locked away, Derek wasted no time in divesting his wife of her clothing, and she did the same to him.

Derek kissed her collarbone and slowly stroked her slit up and down. He found her clit, and let his fingers dance small circles around it. He was so lost in her, the softness of her skin, the perfume on her neck, intoxicating – until he felt a hand abruptly grab his, stopping his ministrations.

"It's okay honey, come on. I'm ready." Addison wrapped her hand around his dick, pulling him forward to her opening.

It took a second for Derek to react, to actually comprehend that she wanted no foreplay or stimulation at all, she just wanted sex. "But Addie, you're barely wet."

"Well…" she paused to lick her fingers, and then smeared the saliva over herself, ensuring he could slide in easily, "there." She grabbed his hips and pulled him closer, but Derek resisted. He was still shocked; she clearly had absolutely no interest in this. He was wondering why she wanted it so bad.

"Addison, I was getting you there, I was…what's with you?"

"I just don't have a lot of time before my next surgery, so I was speeding up the process. It's fine." She wiggled her hips against him.

"Did you just call it a process?" Derek was baffled by his wife, and by the way, had now completely lost his erection.

"Honey, it's just, we can't get pregnant with fingering. Ok, so come on, you can make me feel good inside." She angled herself above his dick and pushed onto him, kissing his lips.

Derek just lay still. He didn't kiss back and he didn't move. "I'm not even hard."

Addison clenched her muscles around him and licked that sensitive spot below his ear that always aroused him. 'Damn her,' he thought, as he stiffened inside of her.

She smiled against his neck. "There we go."

* * *

Unfortunately, the sex got less and less personal and more and more clinical as the week went on. By Wednesday, Derek felt like a prostitute. He couldn't believe what Addison had turned into in and out of bed. She wasn't herself, she wasn't even close; and it wasn't a fight, and he really couldn't be mad he was just…unbelievably frustrated. He missed his wife – the one who was passionate and loving and didn't act like a sex machine.

Derek made his way to the imaging center to pick up his x-rays for his double tumor patient. Charlie, the x-ray technician, had become a good friend of Derek's at the hospital, and they liked to talk sports and good beers and sex.

"I mean, she just grabs me and rips my pants off and goes to town. Last time we didn't even kiss; and afterwards she just left. And she wants it all the time. She's like…she's like a _guy_."

Charlie laughed and shook his head. "Most guys wouldn't be complaining about this, you know."

"I know, I know. No, believe me, it's always great, it's just, it's getting a little crazy, and so…impersonal. We used to have amazing sex and connect and everything you know, and now it's like she just turns into this drill sergeant when she's ovulating, nothing else matters. I feel…used, I guess."

"I've been there man," Charlie said, giving Derek and pat on the shoulder. "Welcome to a little thing called sex on demand."

"What?" Derek looked at him puzzled.

"Sex on demand. I went through the exact same thing you are with Ginny. They turn into different people, everything is about getting pregnant. No more romance, no more passion, you're just there to make your deposit when told."

"Well, I don't like it. I miss kissing. And sleeping, I miss that too. We've done it six nights in a row, and most nights twice."

Charlie laughed again, and placed some x-rays into a folder, pressing the label in the corner. "I guess you could tell her how you feel. Or just sleep on the couch."

"We don't really have a couch. Yeah, I just gotta talk to her. Thanks man," Derek said, picking up the file and slapping Charlie's hand.

"Anytime. See ya."

* * *

Derek entered the trailer exhausted. He threw down his bag and made his way through the kitchen. Addison popped out of the bathroom, already changed into boxers and an oversized t-shirt. She walked up to him and wrapped an arm around him.

"Hi baby," Addison said seductively, grabbing his neck roughly to suck on it.

"Hey, how was your day?" No response. Addison just kept up her hickey-making, already grinding her hips against his. "Babe?" Derek pushed gently on her shoulders. "Add, can we talk about something for a minute."

She wouldn't budge. Her lips manipulated the soft spot where his neck met his shoulder and her fingers began to expertly unbutton his shirt.

"Addie? Addison." Derek grabbed her arms and pushed her away.

"What's the matter?"

"Can you talk to me for two minutes before we have to do this again?"

"Before we have to do it again?" she questioned, annoyed.

"Yes, before we have to do this. That's what it feels like sex has become babe, a chore." He could see the hurt in Addison's eyes the instant he said that, but he had to tell her how he felt before the situation became unfixable. Derek leaned back against the counter and tried to pull Addison with him, but she stood straight where she was. He gave her a look, but she cast her eyes down. "I love you Addie, I love you so much and I love making love to you. But we haven't gotten to make love in like a month. You're so preoccupied and stressed about getting pregnant we can hardly enjoy ourselves anymore."

Addison finally looked up at him, but he couldn't read her.

"We used to kiss during sex, and go slow and touch and actually enjoy foreplay. Remember? Now you shove me into a closet, rip my pants off, and we just go at it." Derek smiled and softened his voice and held her hand to give her some reassurance. "Which I love sometimes baby, but I also want to feel close to you. Part of having sex to me is holding you and kissing you and touching you all over your body, not just doing it to get it done. I guess I just…miss that."

Derek waited for her response, but she just looked down at her toes, her fingers fumbling with the bottom of her shirt. "Sorry," she muttered, turning to the fridge. She gripped the handle, and in an instant turned back around and fell onto Derek's chest, crying into his shoulder. He breathed in her hair, and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"Sweetie," he said softly, kissing the side of her face. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm horrible," she mumbled into his collar.

Derek rubbed his hands up and down her back, "Baby, no you're not. I understand, okay? I want us to get pregnant too."

Addison pulled back and wiped her eyes. "I can't believe…I can't believe I did this. I became one of those women. Those women who are baby crazy, who ruin their marriages, who, who…the women I tell to stop stressing. I know the facts, I give the advice. This is my profession, this is my specialty; I know everything about this Derek, and I fell into the same trap."

Derek stared at her, kind of unsure how to comfort her. "I'm a neurologist and I still get headaches." He shrugged his shoulders and half-smiled at her. She laughed, and rested her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry honey."

"You have nothing to be sorry about babe."

"Yes I do. I completely disregarded your feelings. I..." Derek stopped her with a finger to her lips.

"You had sex with me like fifteen times in six days. You never have to apologize for anything again," he smiled, and Addison reciprocated.

"I think," she paused as she stepped between his legs and linked her arms around his neck, "I owe you some sweet lovin' tonight mister."

"Mm, ain't gonna say no to that." She giggled and nipped at his lips, and then fully pressed her mouth and body against him. She took her time tasting him, gliding her fingers into his hair. And she let him do what he wanted, creeping his fingers under her boxer shorts and touching all the places she wouldn't let him for days before.

"Let's go to bed," Addison whispered against his lips.

Derek happily obliged, cupping his hands under her butt to lift her against him, carefully taking the few steps it took to reach the bed. They tumbled down on it, lips still fused.

Derek let one hand play with Addison's hair and the other held one of her hands as he kissed her, and Addison couldn't think of a time when she felt as good as she did right then. His body felt incredible, gently pressing her against the mattress, and his hands were so delicately touching her and holding her and his tongue felt like heaven, expertly massaging her mouth. She wondered how she could have been so insensitive towards him, using him and ordering him around just to make a baby, when the process of making a baby was supposed to be magical and special and she had almost ruined it. How could she have not remembered how much better it felt to do it this way?

Addie pulled on her husband's undershirt, releasing it from his jeans and up over his body. He helped her get it off, and sat up to take hers off while he was at it. And then Derek's world stopped and only two things mattered – Addison's exposed breasts. He lay back down on top of her, his mouth attacking her right breast while his fingers toyed the nipple of her left one. He smiled when she shoved her chest towards him, but grunted when she started rubbing his groin with her leg.

Derek took his mouth away from her chest long enough to sit up and take his jeans off, as his hard-on had become rather uncomfortable being so constricted, and Addison's bare legs rubbing around hadn't helped matters. While he was up, he reached for her boxer shorts, pulling them down off her feet, and she giggled.

"What?" he asked smiling. Her husband kneeled at the edge of the bed in only his boxer briefs, his hair disheveled from her raking fingers, and a huge excited grin splayed across his face.

"You're hot. And you tickled the underside of my knees when you pulled those off."

"Mm," he kissed his way up her calves, back to the undersides of her knees. "Better?"

Addison nodded, spreading her legs further for him as he made his way up her thighs. He kissed all over her pelvis, opening up her outer lips to make sure he covered every square inch. "I thought I may have tickled you here too."

She smiled slightly, blissfully incoherent. "You may have…oh," she moaned, when Derek went back to work with his tongue. "Derek…" He rubbed her abdomen to acknowledge her, but didn't stop pleasuring her.

Addison pulled her hips up, attempting to break free from him, but he gripped her sides to keep her in place. "Honey…"

"No baby, I want to do this."

"But now it's my turn," she said, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top.

"Addie, I haven't gotten to…" he whined, until cut off by her lips. She pushed her tongue into his mouth and grazed her hands up his chest, outlining his muscles as she went.

"Well I haven't gotten to either," she whispered seductively against his lips. He smiled, his breath erratic, and he circled his arms around her back to keep her from moving downward.

"You want to?" She nodded, giving him those bedroom eyes that could probably get him off they were so sexy.

"I want to," she whispered, pulling on his lips with her own.

"But I want to, and I was first." He let his hand creep down between her legs, rubbing her to let her know it was his turn with her body. She breathed in sharply when he thumbed her clit and kissed him quickly before climbing off of him. "Addie…" he protested.

She put her finger to his lips to quiet him, and then laid next to him the opposite direction, scattering kisses over his hip bones. Derek ran his hands up her bare legs, but as soon as she took the tip of his dick in her mouth, he grabbed her, hungrily. He lifted her by her hips back up onto his body, bringing his face in between her legs.

Addison laughed, the vibrations of her mouth sending jolts through Derek's body. He instantly bucked his pelvis up and let out a moan and she caressed his legs with her nails. Derek strongly stabilized her hips with his hand, pushing his tongue inside her, getting a whimper out of her in return.

They continued pleasuring each other for a few minutes until Derek couldn't take any more of her oral expertise. He didn't want to come in her mouth, he wanted to be inside her, and he knew she was getting closer too because her thighs were quivering and she was gripping his legs harder. He moved out from under her body and sat up, pulling her away from his dick and up towards his mouth. She smiled and kissed him, and he helped her turn her body back around the way he was laying.

Derek climbed on top of her and encircled her in his strong arms, bending down to kiss her chest. Addison raked her fingers through his hair. "I love you," she said softly.

"Mm, I love you too," he replied, kissing her lips. "Very much." And that was all that was said for a while. They made love like they used to, like they both enjoyed…twice.

* * *

Addison and Derek lay wrapped up in the covers, legs tangled and chests pressed together. Derek kissed Addie's forehead, letting his hand run through her long red hair.

She kissed his chest, and then rested her chin on it to look up at him. "We haven't done that in a long time," she said smiling.

Derek looked confused. "Made love?"

"No, the other thing."

"69?" Addison nodded. "You're right, it has been a long time. Like since our late twenties maybe."

"It's fun." Derek nodded this time, smiling from ear to ear. "Let's do it more."

"Right now?" he asked hopefully.

She kissed his lips sweetly. "Nope, I like cuddling with you right now."

Addison laid her head back down on his chest.

"Think we made a baby?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"When will we know?"

"I don't know." Addison didn't want to think about that. She just wanted to enjoy the time with her husband.

"Do you have any tests here?"

"I don't know honey."

He laughed, rubbing her back. "What do you know?"

"I know I like cuddling with you."

Derek smiled and tightened his grip. "That's good enough for me baby." He smelled her hair and kissed the top of her head. "That's always good enough for me."

* * *

So, in conclusion, Addison and Derek still are not pregnant, but are still sex machines. I have to recap because I took a third of a year to update and officially suck at life. Hopefully this chapter didn't suck though. Let me know.


	10. Chapter 9

Wow, it only took me three months this time. That sucks. But here it is. Big thanks to Kendel on this one, for the help and the pressure : )

Read, pretty please.

* * *

"Baby, oh god," Addison moaned, gripping the pillow so hard her knuckles were turning white. Derek moved above her, kissing her bare back and neck, one hand against the bed stabilizing his body, the other wedged under Addison's body, holding her breast.

"Feel good?" he asked in a husky, labored voice. Addison nodded and mumbled something incoherent; he smiled against her neck, whispering in her ear, "I guess I forgot you liked it so much this way babe," and kissed down her jaw.

She moaned again, to confirm his statement, and pushed her hips against the bed to change the angle a bit. "Jesus," she breathed out when he hit her g-spot once.

His breath grazed across her neck. "Where baby?" he asked as he tried to push against the exact same spot. "Here?" he thought he found it, and he got a breathy little mewl of approval, but then he pulled out and pushed back in and she moaned louder than she had all morning and her body did a little spasm thing, so he smiled and kissed her shoulder, "there."

"Mm," she nodded, her forehead pressed against the pillow as she tried to raise and push her hips against his. He released her breasts and let his hand travel south under her body, finding her clit and lightly pressing on it. She bucked forward against his hand, and he let his fingers rub her in small circles.

Beep, beep, beep!

"Shut up," she moaned. Derek laughed and kissed the back of her neck.

"Hold on." He pulled out of her and swung his legs over the bed to reach the floor, when she grabbed hard at his arm.

"Derek," still panting, "what are you doing? What…" He kissed her lips quickly, and pushed the hair off her forehead.

"I'll be right back." He stood before she could claw at him again, and she grunted loudly, annoyed.

"Are you kidding me Shepherd? You answer a page when I'm almost there?"

Derek padded back from the kitchen. "Sorry sweetie, I have a little girl with massive head trauma, in a coma. I have to answer those."

"Well, since it's a little girl," she reasoned, still out of breath with her face buried in the pillow.

"You'll let me off the hook?" Derek asked, climbing back on top of her and kissing up her spine.

"I'm kinda tired now."

His head snapped up. "Seriously? Or are you just trying to get back at me for answering my page?"

She smirked/snorted into the pillow, and he lightly spanked her. "I wouldn't leave during sex Derek."

Now it was his turn to smirk/snort. "You have babe, lots of times. You love to tease."

"That wasn't a denial of _my_ past actions; that was a warning to you. I'm the girl, I'm allowed to start and stop sex whenever I want."

Derek laugh was muffled into her naked shoulder, and he crept his hand under her body to lightly rest above her clit

"Oh Addiebug, you know if it will only take a few seconds of my rubbing right here, and all that bumping and grinding will start right back up again."

"You think I'll beg?" she tested, but soft, breathy moans replaced conversation when he did in fact start rubbing her right there.

Derek's other hand found her nipples again, and he placed his dick right up against her opening. "You don't have to." He ran his tongue up her neck, and lightly bit her earlobe. "But if I have to beg, I will, since you're the girl and all."

She giggled, and he was right, bumping and grinding ensued.

* * *

"Here babe." Addison slid a cup towards Derek, and began to sift through the files at the nurse's station.

"Juju?"

Addison shook her head. "Coffee."

"Oh, and this is for _not_ losing patients?"

Addison smiled, kissed behind his ear and whispered, "No, this is for amazing wakeup sex."

"Oh," he said, swallowing coffee, "well it was most definitely my pleasure."

She smiled, and found her chart among the pile that covered the counter.

"See ya babe," she winked and walked away. He watched her, reminding himself to find her at lunch, then turned back to find a couple of his charts.

"Addison!" a voice said loudly from a little ways down the hall. Both Addison and Derek turned to see the man yelling for her. All three of them stood still for a few seconds, as nurses and patients bustled around them.

Derek's mind was a mess. Too many emotions overcame him - anger, hurt, sadness, love, jealousy. That voice haunted him for a few moments. That image that had previously haunted him came rushing back.

Addison had no idea what to do. She knew Derek wouldn't react to this well. Hell, neither would she. But Derek made impulsive decisions. He always let his emotions get the best of him. Even though they'd moved on, agreed to put everything behind them, she knew this would have horrible results. She just stood there, frozen, looking back and forth between Mark and Derek.

Mark made the first move. He walked up to Addison, stopping a mere foot away from her, clearly making her more uncomfortable, and Derek more angry. Addison stepped back a foot.

"Addie, can we talk somewhere?"

"Why did you come here Mark?"

"I want to talk about what happened. You didn't even say goodbye."

Derek's blood was boiling. All he could hear in his head was 'Punch him out! Punch him out!' Derek knew that was his heart talking. His head was saying something else. His head was deceiving him, making him read Addison's look wrong. Addison was shaking her head, silently pleading with Mark to just leave. From Derek's view, she was just standing there, with him, not attempting to move away, not attempting to come to him.

Addison finally looked over to Derek, and he glared back at her. He slammed his chart down, spun on his heels, and stormed off in the other direction.

'Wonderful' Addison thought.

"Mark, you need to leave. I'm not going anywhere with you." Addison turned to start walking the other way, but Mark grabbed her arm.

"Addison, wait!"

"No, just go. Please, do everyone a favor and go."

* * *

"Tell him Addison." Addison was livid, nervous, stressed, scared, and overcome with pretty much every other negative emotion possible. She shouldn't have followed Derek; she should have just let him be mad. Because then Mark followed her, and that's how they all three ended up in the same break room, and that's how truth telling time began. 'Just be prepared, Addison,' she told herself, 'he's going to leave, just be ready for that. Just expect that.'

"Tell me what?" Derek questioned, the worry and anger evident in his tone and expression. "Tell me what Addison?"

Here goes nothing. "When Mark and I, when you saw us…that wasn't a one night stand. It wasn't a one time thing. We were together, after you left. I stayed with him. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before."

Derek was speechless. He couldn't find the words to yell. He couldn't find the energy to move his body to run. He couldn't command his brain to tell his fist to punch Mark out. He could do absolutely nothing but stand there, staring at her, and at him.

"You what?" Why did he want to hear it again? It was bad enough the first time.

"Derek…"

"Don't talk to me Addison. Don't say anything. I can't believe you. I can't…I can't fucking believe you."

"Derek, just let me explain to you…"

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know anything about it. I don't want to look at you right now, especially not standing next to him. I just…I can't." Derek held up his hands and closed his eyes, backing away from them slowly. He finally found the sense to walk out, rounded the corner, and took shelter in the nearest exam room.

"We're working on this Mark. We were doing really well. We're trying to get pregnant."

Mark looked surprised. "And how is that going? Is everything ok with…"

"Everything's fine," she cut him off.

"Are you pregnant?"

"None of your business."

"Then why'd you bring it up?"

"I don't know Mark, just leave. Ok? Please." She sat down at the round table, rubbing her temples.

"When are you going to tell him Addie?"

"I'm not."

"Addison…" He sat down too.

"Mark, I'm not going to. Ever. And that's my business, my choice."

"Well, no Addison, it was my baby. It's my business too. I don't care about Derek knowing, but I care about you. I care about what your body goes through, and your health, and your well-being. Ok? So if I want to talk about it with you, I get to."

"Fine Mark, what do you want to know?" She continued to try and be preoccupied, desperately attempting not to get emotional during this conversation.

"How are you? I mean, how were you, after? You barely talked about it with me. I just wish you'd let someone be there for you."

"I was fine. This is my job Mark, I see this everyday. Women lose babies, they give up babies, they have abortions; it's just reality for me."

"As the doctor, Addie. It's reality for you as the doctor, not as the mother."

"Mark..." she warned, closing her eyes in attempt to quell the tears rising up.

"Ok…I'm sorry. I just worry. I don't…" he looked around the room, then back at her. Her eyes were still closed, and she really looked broken sitting there. "Do you regret it?"

Addison stared back at him. "I can't regret it Mark. I can't. I feel horrible, yes, you know how I feel about this subject, but I had to save my marriage. Derek would have never…he would have never given me a chance if I had come here pregnant with your baby. Mark, there was no other option."

"You could have stayed with me. I loved you. I thought, I would have loved you and that baby."

"I know," she nodded slowly, "I know you would have. But that wouldn't have been fair, because I could never have loved you in the same way. And I couldn't just forget about Derek. I can never do that."

Mark nodded.

"I can be your friend Addie."

Addison looked up, offering the best smile she could.

"I'd like that Mark. Maybe in time."

* * *

Derek paced in the break room. Addison leaned against the counter, watching him.

"I can't believe this Addison…I can't fucking believe this. Eight months. Eight months we've been 'rebuilding' our marriage and it's all been a lie. You've been lying to me the whole time. How could you do this? How could you be with me, going to therapy…"

"Derek, you fell in love with Meredith."

"No, you don't get to turn this on me. I get to be mad."

"I'm not telling you not to be mad. Let me talk now. You fell in love with Meredith. You were with her, you talked to her, I'm sure went on dates with her, and whatever else you did together. You 'made love' to her. You were lying the whole time too. You were still married to me, you still had your entire life back in New York. Tell me, how could you do that? How could you be in love with someone and be hugely lying to them at the same time, huh? I'll tell you how – you were desperate. You wanted love from someone so badly. That's what I wanted too Derek. I wanted you to love me again more than anything, and I knew if I told you this you wouldn't. Just like you don't right now. I was wrong, I was wrong to lie. And look, it blew up in my face just like your lying blew up in your face in front of Meredith. I made a mistake, and I'm sorry. I should have told you, I have been lying, and I'm wrong." Addison was calm, surprisingly calm. Derek stared at her for a good thirty seconds, saying nothing, not moving. Then he reacted.

"You're damn right you are," he spat angrily, storming out the door.

* * *

Meredith busied herself at the nurse's station, hoping Bailey wouldn't come scoop her up for the colon cancer case in 304, which currently had no intern. No such luck. The Nazi strode towards the desk, planting herself in the chair. Meredith just paused.

Derek slammed his chart down on the counter, and held his head in his hands. Meredith silently thanked Derek.

"Something wrong?" she asked, trying not to sound too interested.

He looked up, and gave her the best smile he could muster.

"Yeah. My marriage is wrong. Very wrong."

Bailey looked up at them.

"I'm sorry."

He gazed at her.

"You have work to be doing, Dr. Grey?" Bailey warned. Meredith nodded, and went back to her chart. "Shepherd?"

"Addison's so…she's just so…I can't get past it Bailey. I just can't get past it. It's impossible for me to not picture it when I see them. It's impossible for me not to hate him, and her, when I see them."

"That's understandable. You walked in on them…that would scar anyone."

He nodded his head, feeling the anger flow from his veins and muscles right out his mouth. "And she just tries to act like it's no big deal, I should just brush it off or something? She was fucking my best friend, she was FUCKING. My. Best. Friend."

Bailey just nodded. She really had no idea how to respond. Meredith listened, but kept her pen moving.

"And all these months now, she's been acting so sweet but she's not, and I somehow let myself forget that. She's not sweet, she fucked my best friend…"

Derek shook his head, and both women watched.

"She, she, I hate her. God, I hate her. We're trying to get pregnant after she went and fucked my best friend. And had a RELATIONSHIP with him. A fucking relationship. In which she probably fucked him all the time. And now she acts like nothing happened and we can just move on and have a goddamn baby."

Both Meredith and Bailey's eyes widened, but Derek ranted on.

"She's so selfish. And she's so…manipulative. I can't…Jesus, I still can't fucking believe her." Bailey got up to get a file from a cabinet.

"What are you going to do?" Meredith asked quietly.

"I don't know." Derek rolled his neck. "I don't know what to do Meredith." He looked over at her. She was so young. "It was so much easier with us, wasn't it?"

She smiled slightly. "I guess it was. But we knew each other for like, two months. That's too short to get problems this big."

"Yeah." He took a deep breath. Bailey walked back over.

Addison stood, back against the wall, and finally let the tears flow. He admitted he couldn't get past it. He said he hated her. He went straight for Meredith. He…she pushed off the wall, wiped her eyes, and headed for the locker room to grab the car keys.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Bailey demanded as she sat back down. "Cause it seems to me you have a choice to make. If you really can't get past this, ever, you're giving up Addison. So think it through. And don't be a jackass."

Derek nodded. Bailey nodded. "Grey, rounds, start in 304." Meredith nodded.

* * *

She found him at the nurse's station, once again; surprisingly he wasn't bitching about her to anyone this time. He sat at the desk, filling out a chart, and she walked up to the counter.

"I'm going home Derek."

"Ok, I'm gonna take off too. Let me go grab my stuff."

"To New York. I'm going home to New York."

Derek was first shocked, then disgusted. "I should have known. Back to Mark, huh? He's always been who you've wanted. You're such a bitch Addison. How long were you going to string me along here in Seattle?"

He stood up, his eyes piercing into hers.

"Derek, I'm going to ignore everything you just said because it's all bull, and you know it. I've been in love with you for like fourteen years now, you and only you. If anyone should be questioning feelings here, it should be me questioning yours."

"Addison…"

She held her hand up, stopping him. "I fought for you for months and you can't even fight for me for one day. And that's all I needed to know Derek, am I worth fighting for to you? You made the answer so clear when you ran to her immediately. Instead of running for me, you ran away, again."

He walked over to her side of the counter, eyeing her luggage.

"So now you're doing the same. We're just running away from each other."

"I'm not running, I'm leaving. I'm giving up. I'm giving you up. I'm tired of fighting alone."

"Damn it Addison, what the hell have the last few months been then?" He got closer to prove his point. "How was I not trying then? Ok, I screwed up today. You screwed up too. But we've been happy for a while now. You can't say we weren't doing well. We had worked it out, gotten over this. We were fine."

"No Derek, obviously we weren't fine. If you go running at the first sight of trouble, we clearly have none of the things we thought we had again - no trust, no foundation, and conclusively no relationship. Once again, we had sex Derek. That's what we had - lots and lots of sex which masqueraded as love and peace and a good marriage."

"Shut up Addison, you know that's not what it was. You forget that I've been in love with you for fourteen years too, and I know between us it's never just sex. Never."

"Oh now you want to talk about love, huh? Yes, we were making love, weren't we Derek?" Addison derided. He hated her tone. He hated what she was saying. He wanted to hate her. "Well the good news is you're also in love with someone else, a little intern who will be here in Seattle to keep you cozy. You two can 'make love' all you want."

"Do you love me?"

"What?" She hadn't expected that question. She was waiting for another spiteful response.

"Are you in love with me, right now?"

"I have a plane to catch Derek. Right now, I'm in love with that pilot because he's getting me the hell out of here and putting me right back where I belong."

"Please don't give up on us Addison."

"Oh no, you don't get to put this all on me. The fault is not going to be mine for giving up. We both screwed up. But I told Mark to get out, that I wanted nothing to do with him because I love you. However, all you could think to do was run to Meredith. And Miranda Derek, even she's on your side. My only friend in Seattle."

"What? No she's…how do you know…?"

Addison rolled her eyes and pulled the handle out of her suitcase, slung her bag over her shoulder, and started for the door.

"Addison, this is not how we end. I refuse; I refuse to let us be over." He followed her, wishing she'd just stop for a second.

"Derek, it's not worth it anymore."

The automatic doors opened and they stepped out into the brisk Seattle afternoon.

"Addie, yes it is. You're worth it," he reached to grab her arm, but she pulled away, and kept walking towards the curb. "Would you stop for a minute?" He pulled her by the elbow to face him, grabbing tight.

"Derek…" she warned.

"I'm not letting you leave. I'm not letting it end like this," he was getting angry.

"You don't really have a choice," she said lowly, pulling her arm, but he pulled back, pinning her against the side of the building.

"Derek, ow, you're hurting me." Addison closed her eyes and tried to pull herself out of his strong grip.

"Hey," Mark yelled, running up to them.

"Oh you stay the hell away," Derek spat at him, not loosening up on Addison at all.

"Let go of her Derek."

"Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you. Then you can take her back to New York and fuck her all you want. Isn't that right Addie?"

Derek got inches away from her face, and all he wanted was to kiss her. He had no idea why. He had felt so much anger all day, he thought he hated her again, and now he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to love her. And then another feeling came over him as he studied her face, feeling her chest rise and fall against his. He was nervous; nervous and anxious. He knew she didn't want to kiss him. She wanted to leave, for good. She was done, she was giving up. All of a sudden that seemed final to him. Life without Addison forever – something he knew he could never bear.

"You're such a coward," she whispered to him. "I thought you'd punch him out. I thought you'd go crazy on him because you were so in love with me again."

Derek looked into her eyes desperately. "I am. I am so in love with you."

Addison shook her head. "Get off of me." He'd never seen her eyes like that. She was so foreign to him in that moment. He'd truly let her down. This was the last straw, the last disappointment, the last disloyalty. He couldn't feel any love in her eyes either. Usually when they fought, no matter how ugly it got, he still knew from her eyes that she loved him, but not now.

He knew she wouldn't budge. She was furious, and hurt. He released her, and she moved from him and right past Mark. Derek's heart sunk. It was such a dull pain in the chest, and he took a few deep breaths to try and make it go away, but it didn't. He turned around from the wall to see Addison hailing a cab. Mark had started walking towards her, so Derek ran to catch up. The cab pulled up, and the driver got out to load Addison's bags. She opened the back door and started getting in.

"Addison, I'm coming…" Mark called out to her, desperation in his voice too.

"Don't," she said firmly, holding out a hand to stop an advance from either of them. "Neither of you get on this flight. Don't come after me." And with that, she got in the car and slammed the door. The driver pushed on the gas and they drove away.

Derek and Mark looked at each other, and then walked in separate directions.

Twenty minutes later, Addison arrived at Tacoma International Airport. She boarded Delta Airlines flight 110 and took off for JFK at 1:35 p.m.

One hour later, Mark arrived at the airport, boarded Southwest Airlines flight 2040 and took off for JFK at 2:45 p.m.

Thirty minutes after that, Derek arrived at the same airport, boarded American Airlines flight 3445 and took off for JFK at 3:30 p.m.

Out of the three, only one of them was going to New York to fight.

* * *

There you go. Hopefully I'll post the next part soon. Hopefully. Please review : )


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